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Old 12th Aug 2017, 9:25 AM Defaultmy poems #1
haywud
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Posts: 1,852


I just thought I would post these somewhere, figured this would be the best place. I doubt anyone will really read them, but that's okay I guess more than anything this is just a place for me to keep track of them all. I'll just make a separate post for each one so it's easier to read just in case anyone else does read them. Also if anyone does read them a word of warning, don't expect anything nice here I've been in a dark place while writing all of these and they're simply a reflection of how I've really felt. I'll also post them in the order that I wrote them.
Old 12th Aug 2017, 9:25 AM #2
haywud
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What is this pain I'm feeling
Just what could this be
I seek god for his healing
Please god watch over me

I feel completely trapped
I have nowhere I can go
Has something in me snapped
Please tell me it isn't so

Seems like I'm lost at sea
Hit by a tidal wave of depression
Could this be God's decree
Or is my mind stuck in a recession

It feels like I'm drowning
With death the worst of my fears
The smiling has turned to frowning
Stuck in this ocean of tears
Old 12th Aug 2017, 9:26 AM #3
haywud
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I take a look back and I see where it went wrong.
But maybe this was simply my destiny all along.
I stop and I look at what I've done with my life.
Yet all that I see is nothing but pain and strife.
Will things ever work, will they ever be right?
But all I see is darkness, what's hidden is the light.
I see what I've done wrong, and I simply just cry.
I've messed up so badly, I wonder why I still try.

I keep waiting for someone, but where could they be?
So it seems that there really is no one for me.
I guess I'm just cursed to live life on my own.
I'll simply die broken, miserable, and alone.
Ask me when I'll find someone, and the answer is never.
Ask me how long I'll be alone, the answer is forever.
I guess it doesn't matter since I have nothing to give.
And this loneliness is the reason I don't want to live.

I keep waiting on that light to shine its way through.
But it never seems to come, so what can I do?
If I'm cursed to die alone, then please let this end.
There are people around me, but I need more than a friend.
I look at everything wrong, and all I can do is sigh.
I really wish I could stay strong, but I just want to die.
Old 12th Aug 2017, 9:26 AM #4
haywud
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Posts: 1,852


Even in the brightest sun everything around me is cloudy.
I seem to have a dark cloud always hanging around me.
I'm standing in a crowd, and yet still I feel so lonely.
I've cried so much I could probably form my own sea.

I meet people, I try to talk, but I just can't speak.
I guess I don't have the strength, and I'm simply just weak.
It has me feeling like an outcast, or maybe like a freak.
Maybe there's nothing for me because my future seems so bleak.

Feels like I have no place even being on this Earth.
I feel like I've been cursed with this life since birth.
What's left of my life, tell me what is it worth?
Old 12th Aug 2017, 9:27 AM #5
haywud
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Sometimes I stop and I feel like I've committed a murder
It seems like I've killed any chance to advance my life further
All momentum has stopped like I ran into a brick wall
I've simply ruined it all and now I watch myself fall
I try to pick myself up but it seems I'm here to stay
No matter how hard I try I just can't seem to find my way

Everywhere I look everything I see just seems to be hopeless
I'm trying to block it all out but I can't keep my focus
I really want to get away from all of this sadness and stress
But I've dug a hole so deep that I can't get out of this mess
So hand me a sturdy shovel so I can try and dig my way out
Without a hand to guide me then I'll be stuck with this doubt

I try so hard to work my way through all of my problems
But like a withering flower nothing in my life ever blossoms
Will I ever break free, I guess I'll have to wait and see
What if there's nothing for me, and this is how it's supposed to be
I search for the happiness but all I find is the sadness
I'd rather be laying in a casket than living in this madness
Old 12th Aug 2017, 9:27 AM #6
haywud
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Sad, lonely and depressed with no one to blame but myself.
I've packed up all hope and put it away on the highest shelf.
I try to reach for it now but it seems that it's just too high.
Not sure I care, should I give up, should I continue to try?

The shelf is much higher now since it just steadily climbs.
I can barely even see it now, these are indeed hard times.
I try to climb, but it's no use, I just can't find my grip.
I want to keep trying, but I continue to do nothing but slip.

The shelf is too high now, it's well out of my sight.
I can't climb anymore, so I'm through with this plight.
Since I can no longer see it I just really cannot cope.
I think I just need to admit it, I will never find my hope.
Old 12th Aug 2017, 9:28 AM #7
haywud
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Forever pained by the torture and grief.
I'll spend all eternity searching for relief.
No longer happy, no longer able to sleep.
All I do is sit alone, and I weep.
No one around me, not a soul that will care.
I can't complain, it's simply my burden to bear.
I'm afraid to take a chance, my opportunity I've missed.
Afraid of what will happen when I put that knife to my wrist.
Will I back away? Or will I go through with it and succeed?
Will I simply leave a mark? Or will I start to bleed?
I worry that I might not make it through this night.
Not sure I have what it takes to make it through this fight.
Don't want to go on, for it's tomorrow that I always dread.
Let me end this now, I just want to be dead.
Old 12th Aug 2017, 9:28 AM #8
haywud
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,852


My life is like a sad and depressing song, and I don't like this tune I've been humming.
I sit alone in my room and try not to cry, but it seems the tears won't stop coming.
I continue to try and fight but it just seems hopeless, it seems I'm just not strong.
No matter what I try and do the pain just stays true, everything has just gone wrong.
I wait for my moment to be free, for my chance to be free of this pain and this stress.
But all of these years of laziness and isolation have left me in what is quite a mess.
Completely lost in this mess, no hope on my own, what I need right now is a guide.
No one around me understands though, no hand to guide me, and so my true feelings I hide.
I wish I could put on a fake smile, but in reality there is just no pretending.
This pain and suffering is too much for that, and it seems like it's never ending.
So I hide my true feelings, yet never pretend to be okay, this is all very true.
I may as well be an emotionless zombie around others, because they don't have a clue.
Don't really like to admit it, but what I seek now is my last breath.
As crazy as it sounds, the one thing that I want the most is my death.
Old 12th Aug 2017, 9:29 AM #9
haywud
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Posts: 1,852


woke up this morning in a place where i don't want to be
and i just can't help but wonder what is left of me
my eyes are open, but it's clear to me that i can't see
i guess that all along that this was just my destiny

i thought about my past, and then i stopped and cried
thought i had so much potential, but to myself i lied
i should have done so much, but i hadn't even tried
now i think it would be best if i just died
Old 12th Aug 2017, 9:29 AM #10
haywud
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,852


i plan on taking a vacation, and going far away
i don't want to be here anymore, i don't want to stay
so i plan on going, and leaving this place today
i'm not sure how, but hopefully i find a way

my life is a mess, i just let everything slip
so that's why i feel i need to take this trip
not sure i can do it, and if not, oh well
i guess i'll just live out my life in this hell
Old 12th Aug 2017, 9:30 AM #11
haywud
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,852


Ever have to deal with people that give false promises and lies?
The kind that seem to be there, but never listen to your cries?
Those that say they will never leave, and will always be around?
Yet when you need them the most they're nowhere to be found?
What do you do when people say they care but then just leave?
Do you accept it and move on, or do you simply stop and grieve?

Over the last year so many people have come and gone in my life.
Very few have brought happiness, while others have brought strife.
With a few it's been nothing but a lot of stress and strain.
People that seemed to be in it only for their own personal gain.
It's made me see that in this world there is just too much greed.
People just want the wrong things, and not what they really need.

I guess I can't complain, I've been guilty of a lot of greed as well.
Could that be the reason why I live my life in this state of hell?
Maybe that's the reason why my suffering never really ends?
Maybe that's why I can't seem to hold onto those I call my friends?
Whatever the case may be, it seems that no one is truly here to stay.
Which is why I sometimes think it would be best if I were to fade away.
Old 1st Oct 2017, 6:01 AM This is everyday life and it sucks! #12
OldSimsPlayer
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 2


Quote:
Originally Posted by haywud
Ever have to deal with people that give false promises and lies?
The kind that seem to be there, but never listen to your cries?
Those that say they will never leave, and will always be around?
Yet when you need them the most they're nowhere to be found?
What do you do when people say they care but then just leave?
Do you accept it and move on, or do you simply stop and grieve?

Over the last year so many people have come and gone in my life.
Very few have brought happiness, while others have brought strife.
With a few it's been nothing but a lot of stress and strain.
People that seemed to be in it only for their own personal gain.
It's made me see that in this world there is just too much greed.
People just want the wrong things, and not what they really need.

I guess I can't complain, I've been guilty of a lot of greed as well.
Could that be the reason why I live my life in this state of hell?
Maybe that's the reason why my suffering never really ends?
Maybe that's why I can't seem to hold onto those I call my friends?
Whatever the case may be, it seems that no one is truly here to stay.
Which is why I sometimes think it would be best if I were to fade away.


I totally feel you! If you ever need to talk please send me a message! I am here, I have been dealing with a lot and all your poems have hit me hard! I wish you the best and again if you ever need to talk please message me.
 


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