Aww, Deatherella, shame you couldn't finish yours - I loved the opening! You had some really great language in there and it would have been great to see where you were going with it. What made you stop? You did number 2 though, if you have time and feel like it, maybe you can have a bash at number 3 before Sunday? :D

simstate, that was a really fun read and I loved the casual references and the typical quotes from family - it all made the characters seem very believable! Ricky deserved to get a knock on the head! The picture from challenge 2 is an illustration of Bluebeard. I hoped the picture was obscure enough for people not to be biased by the actual story!

She touched the little box in her pocket and smiled.

"Stop smiling like that and answer me! Did you get it?" asked Layla jumping up and down excitedly.

"I did, I can't believe I did it!" Jenny whispered most to herself in amusement.

"Yes!!! Egle is so going to freak out!" Layla laughed rolling on her bed.

"I bet she is, but what can she do? Nothing!" Jenny smiled thinking of her horrible stepmother, Egle, looking for her favourite jewel: jenny's mother's emerald necklace. When she married her father, a wedower, she was all sweet and kind, and declared that of course all Jenny's mother belongings were going to be in jenny's bedroom and that she could wear them whenever she wanted to. But then she saw them, and with her little hawkish hands took them all and began wearing her mother's favourite necklace, the one her father gave her after their wedding. The one she had stolen just an hour before.

"That hypocrite! Do you want to hide it here in my house? I bet she knows that is you who took it, but she can't just show up here and ask me if she can rummage in my bedroom!" Layla asked taking the box out of my pocket and playing with it. "Wear it, now that you finally have it you should see it around your neck!"

Jenny took the little box from her bestfriend's hands, and trembling a little she opened it. She brushed tenderly the little shiny emeralds and locked her beautiful mother's necklace around her own neck for the first time.

"Oh, it's so beautiful, it's the same colour of your eyes" Layla exclamed while Jenny was looking at herself in the mirror in amazement. In that moment Layla's mother opened the door of her daughter's bedroom and came in accompanied by two men in uniforms. Their eyes moved around the room and when they fell on jenny's neck they sparkled.

"Miss, follow us" said one of them. Jenny looked at Layla in panic, and trough gritted teeth she said in an angry voice: "I can't believe she called the police to get after me!!!"

...........................
Sorry, I didn't count the words, my fifteen minutes are going to finish just now!

Hello Nadia, it great to see you've joined in! I liked your post, "hawkish hands" really caught my attention. Just be careful of capitals on the names of characters and try and be as clear as possible about who's who and who's talking, just so people don't get confused. This was really great seeing as it's your second language. Good job! *thumbs up*



Guidelines.

- Your piece should be in the first person.
- You have 15 minutes to write this. Either time yourself with an alarm or phone, or use the useful link by FurryPanda on page 1.
- You must have a minumum of 500 words, although you shouldn't go over 2000.
- Copy and paste straight onto this thread. Do not edit or rewrite your piece. Spelling, grammar and punctuation can be revised but without a dictionary and such.



I also wanted to check whether anyone is having trouble reaching the 500 word mark? If so I'll bring it down a little.

Not much critiques to add to Gemmareno's -

I agree with what she said on clw8's post - I got confused when the POV suddenly shifted from the kid to the guy.

and as for Nadia's entry - I can only hope that I can ever write that well in Italian (which is never! ha ha) - the 5th paragraph was a bit confusing to me though - the sentences seemed to run into each other? But other than that, that was a cool short & I can't believe the step mother called the cops too!

I don't understand this "stream of consciousness" writing though (the 4th challenge). Is this kinda like a free-style poem or something? You're supposed to be disjointed? Sorry, don't quite get what we're supposed to write.

At some point soon, I vow to enter this. I've been kind of slack the last two challenges and haven't participated, but assessment is nearly over at school (now that we're finally entering the final week of school for the term) so I should be able to find a spare fifteen minutes to do this in .

It would be great to have you posting again PixCii! Good luck with your assessment.

simstate, sorry I wasn't very clear. Stream of consciousness is a style of writing which sounds more like inner thoughts than structured narration. These thoughts can jump from the past to what's happening in the present, and is generally a very intimate and characterised way of writing. It requires you to get right into the head of your character. I hope that helps. There are many examples of it on google and myriad novels are written using it, so a quick search should help you! :D

Okay, I had no idea what I was doing. But here goes - 530 words in 15 minutes... And it's a really pointless piece where my character's mind wanders from one thing to the next, and one minute I'm six, and one minute I'm older, well whatever ;-)


I can see the cookie jar. It's on the very top of the shelf. If I push this chair here just so and put this phone book here just so and add another phone book here just so, I can almost reach it. Barely. I have to go on tip toes though. And come to think of it, I'm a bit wobbly right now. I should have worn my good rubber shoes. My slippers can't stay on. Not really. I think I'll take them off and go barefoot. So, chair, phonebook, phonebook, feet and reach. I'm almost there, barely, almost, and yup, I've got the cookie jar in my hands.

I can smell the cookies. I think I can smell the cookies. The cap is on a bit tight, too tight, trying to open, twisting my hands, almost there. Oops, I'm wobbling, wobbling, wobbling, darn phonebooks. Well, now I can smell the cookies. But they're all over the floor. They smell good, really good. They're fresh. Crunchy on the outside, gooey and chewy on the inside. Just the way I like it.

I love cookies. I love them with chocolate bits mixed inside. I love them with chocolate bits stuck outside. I love them with frosting. I love them even if they are all broken up into little pieces. I love even the little crumbs. And there are a lot of crumbs here right now.

I try to collect the broken shards of the cookie jar. And I nick my thumb on one. I cry out a little, not too loud, I don't want anybody running to find out what's wrong. I can suck on the finger and pretend the red stuff is a cookie. Yes, I can pretend. There's raspberry frosting on my cookie. Or a strawberry frosting?

I have to hide the cookie jar pieces. Then nobody can blame me if they can't find the cookie jar. But first I have to eat the cookies, so much cookies.

I think of Cookie Monster. He loved cookies too. He loved to count cookies. I wonder how many cookies there are here on the floor? It's hard to tell since they're all in pieces right now. I can try to put the pieces back together again. Like Humpty Dumpty. He sat on the wall and had a great fall. But why would he sit on a wall? He must know that he would break if he fell, right? It's like the cookie jar. Why is it on a shelf? A high shelf. That I needed to get on a chair and a phone book and another phone book just to reach for it. It wasn't my fault. The phone book was slippery.

And at least I'm not hurt. Well, my thumb is bleeding but that doesn't count. I'm not like Humpty Dumpty. I didn't break. I hurt a little though. But the cookies can make it all better. These are really good cookies. That's why they're hidden all the way up the shelf. But I found them. And they're mine. Even if they're all broken up now. I'm hiding the pieces of the cookie jar. And I won't tell where.

I chuckled all through that - you really put across a frantic, childlike tone! The first two paragraps were great, with different sentence lengths which made it seem very choppy and energetic. After those first paragraphs though, the repetition of "cookies", "cookie jar" and so on was a bit excessive. Perhaps you should have moved away from the cookie jar incident, been looking at it in flashback as an older character, maybe add another character in like a childhood crush, to create a different pace? It would have added something very bittersweet to it, I think. It was a really fun read though and you had a good bash at something new so well done you! And thanks for participating! Something tells me Challenge 4 may be a little quiet.

Ok, I tried, really tried. I'm not used to the stream of consciousness technique, even if I studied it when I was reading Joyce. Here it is:


The water is warm, very warm. Is it normal? I’m used to cold seas, while this sea is so warm..could it boil and fry me? This is so weird. Where’s my mask? Oh, here it is. Put it on. Done. Now snorkelling. What am I supposed to do? The guy on the beach said to “just look”, so I’m just going to look. And swim of course. I wouldn’t like to drown. I wonder if it’s true that while drowning you could see all your life passing before your eyes. But maybe not just when you’re drowning, just when you’re dying of a slow de-Oh! A fish! A orange and white fish! How cute! It’s like Nemo! What was nemo? A fish, of course, but what was its name? Mmm, it had something to do with circus, dunno. Doesn’t matter anyway. It feels incredible to swim here, the water is lighter, it’s more like floating than swimming and everything is so clear. The guy on the beach said to swim, swim, swim, and I would notice when I’d reach the coral reef. So I swim, swim, swim. And look. How is it possible? There are too many fish, too bright, too beautiful. The guy on the beach said also dangerous. Must not touch them. But they’re sooooo-I want to brush them! I’m going to dive deeper, well the water is not very deep, like six feet deep. I’m too short to touch the bottom with my fins. Sigh, they’re too fast! Too fast! I thought they were slower, now they’re placid again. I extend my right arm and they almost disappear. Sad. They should play with me, not run away. I feel like the pricess of the sea, everything is under me, there’s no one but me and the colourful fishes-oh! It’s like in the picture the guy on the beach showed me! Corals, corals, corals. Grey and Red here. Red and greenish over there. Yellowish near that big thing. Big thing. Big thing? It’s too far to see it clearly, I don’t know what it is. Must get a closer look. Must be a dolphin! The big thing is grey. Awww, I would so love to play with a dolphin, it wouldn’t swim away like the silly fishes. Getting nearer. It’s even bigger now. Very big and grey. Too big. Way too big. The guy on the beach lied to me! He told me no way! Sharks! No sharks, he lied! I’m going to be eaten, bitten and eaten. Eaten alive. What do I do, what do I do, what do I do? Swim away. Away. Must get out of the water. Fast. Very Fast. I can’t move. I can’t. I want to but I can’t. I’m frozen. I can’t turn around. I must keep my eyes on the grey big shadow, if I turn it will follow me and eat me when I’m not looking. It’s getting nearer. Oh God, Oh God. What am I-Why is-Help!
No. No. No. It is swimming on my left, it is passing me. It doesn’t look at me. And it doesn’t look like a shark, not like the ones in Jaws. Just a big scary grey thing. It’s swimming away. I almost can’t see it anymore. I can’t see it. It’s gone. Now must get out of here. And never, never, never come back. And tell dad to kick the guy on the beach.

------------------------------------------

I loved simstate's story! It' so good! The short sentences really show the thoughts and their tone. It is credible and seems real.

I really liked it Nadia! It had an almost lyrical sound when reading it - the repetition made it seem like poetry! It would have been easier to read if it had been paragraphed clearly though - a big chunk of writing is always a little dauting to look it! ^_^

Hmmmm, if I quit playing on the net long enough to finish my income taxes, I'll take a stab at the new one. I so love just rambling on.

Hehe, I look forward to it, Deatherella!

Hey, does this mean no more challenges?

Hey simstate, I'm sorry there's been no challenges! I... have no excuse apart from being ill and thinking that the lack of replies meant people weren't too fussed about doing another one! I'll try my very best to get one up in the next few days. I think we'll do some kind of character study this time round!

I look forward to it Gemmareno! I'm really liking the writing challenges! Thank you for thinking of them!

sorry I never posted on the last one. I know that I had done the first three, but, once I read the 4th one....and found out that I really didn't grasp the idea of what to do....I got discouraged, and then sidetracked, what with spring break and stuff. So, if you post another, and I just happen to pop in to check it out, I'll probably post an entry - if it's a writing style I'm familiar enough with or easy enough to learn

I think that many people just didn't know what to do with "stream of consciousness" writing (like me!) - ha ha - but I was glad I had that experience of trying something I never did before.

I'm wondering where you're getting your ideas though - are you a literature/writing/journalism student or something?

Thank you Nadia, I'm glad you're enjoying them!
clw8, no worries m'dear. I know SOC is a bit of a weird one but it's good to have a bash at! Sorry if it was a little too odd to understand what I meant, I'll keep that in mind for the future!
simstate lol yeah it's a weird technique but I'm glad you gave it a go - when done right it can be really good, like in Ian McEwan's Atonement.

And no, I don't have any writing qualifications besides GCSE and an A-Level in English Lit. I'm just an amateur writer like all you lot. :D

Guidelines.

- You may chose whichever scene you like/know the most from your story.
- You have 20 minutes for this challenge, and you should write for at least 15 of those. Either time yourself with an alarm or phone, or use the useful link by FurryPanda on page 1.
- You must have a minumum of 500 words, although you shouldn't go over 1000.
- Copy and paste straight onto this thread. Do not edit or rewrite your piece. Spelling, grammar and punctuation can be revised but without a dictionary and such.




This is the absurdly late challenge 5! I know I said it would be a character study but I figured after two weeks we might all be a little rusty and I thought this idea sounded more fun! As always, if you're not sure feel free to ask!

sounds great, but please tell me the date you posted this on, so I know when next sunday is... will start mine soon

Hope I find 20 free minutes to do the challenge, and maybe a little more time to reread the stories...I really don't remember them very well :p

I've been watching this thread looking for a challenge to jump in on, but these are all so hard . Granted, the intention is to stretch your writing ability and refine your skill, but I think that my style isn't abstract enough. Maybe I'm just not versatile enough, but I don't like to lend myself to writing anything too surreal or experimental.

Ooh, I'm tempted to enter this challenge, but I don't think I'll go very well at all. I can hardly remember the stories as it is, and I find it hard to rewrite someone else's work.

Hey guys. I posted Challenge 5 on the 26th, but as it seemed to slide under the radar I bumped it and reposted it yesterday (sorry mods :weep: ). Technically next Sunday is the 3rd, but because it wasn't noticed until now this cuts you down to what... four days? If anyone wants me to stretch this to next Wednesday (the 6th) so that people have a whole week's opportunity, let me know and that will be fine.

Nadia, I hope you find 20 mins too! Don't feel that you have to stick too close to the story, though. The themes, characters and plot should be there, but you can change names, setting etc to suit the genre.
Rabid, yeah I can see that some of these have been a little weird! XD I would hope that you might give this a go, though? You don't have to alter your style too much for these challenges. Feel free though to PM me with any ideas for challenges which you might enjoy? It would be good to get ideas from everyone else!
PixCii, do a quick wiki search on them for a rough outline, and pick out a section that you may remember from watching Disney or something. Don't try and think of it as rewriting work - think of it as "Damn, that story's good but it would be sooo much better as a comedy/horror!" etc etc.

Hope you guys have fun with this! XD

This'll probably be horrible, as I'm pressed for time, and am really not the type to remember disney stories I may or may not have read when younger. Nonetheless, here's my go at a horror twist on the ol' Rapunzel story.
----

The chilly, damp, stormy night air blew through Rapunzel's tower window. Her candle sticks had trouble staying lit, and she feared that she would run out of matches if she had to continue relighting them. However, she did not want to shut her old, wooden window, as this caused her to go into deep depression for being shut off from the entire world. So, just as any other night, Rapunzel left the window open, and tried to keep the candles burning.

It was some time after midnight, however she was unaware of the actual time. A long, teary stare out the window only downed Rapunzel even more. There were no lights to be seen, anywhere; not even a star shinned in the sky.

Feeling a slight chill come one, Rapunzel went over to her canopy bed, and snuggled up beneath the warmth of the magnificent lavander quilt. She started to drift off into a dream like state, and the room began to disappear.

Suddenly, a racket that could wake the dead blared below. As if she'd never been almost asleep a mere ten seconds before, Rapunzel leaped off her bed, fully alert, and tip toed over towards the window. With all senses on full power, she tried to determine the source of this noice. However, she saw nothing. She heard nothing. It appeared to be just her and the night.

Another noice erupted from below, almost knocking Rapunzel back onto the floor. Her heart nearly skipping a beat, began to thump hard and loud. This time she was almost too frightened to look out the window, but decided that since she was so far up, that it'd be ok. Though, upon looking out the window for a sourse, she again noticed absolutely nothing.

Then all of a sudden a charming voice chimmed in from below. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair." Acting from instinct, she prepared herself and then tossed down her beautiful, long, blond hair. All at once, she heard a violent laugh from below, and realized that she just commited a very bad mistake.

With all her might, Rapunzel yanked on her hair, in hopes that it would be free and able to be pulled back up. This, however, was not the case, at all. The man below, still with his laughter, was on a steady climb up her thick hair.

Her heart was racing, and she glanced around for something to help her out. She needed a way to free herself. She needed a way to prevent this man from gaining access to her. At that momment, she saw the answer. A shiny pair of scissors that were used for crafting. Sure, they were dull as can be, but were better than nothing.

She nerve rackingly began grinding away on her hair. Results were coming slowly, but were coming. On the other end, the maniac was nearly a half a way up the tower, and advancing rather quickly.

Using the scissors to the best of her ability, Rapunzel had managed to saw through three fourths of her braided hair. Nearly there, she could feel the tension, and sense that in any second she would have the biggest conflict in her life, unless she could cut her hair.

The mad man was just five feet below the window, and Rapunzel was in over drive. She had only a few more clumps to cut through.

With one last strike from the scissors, the hair split into, and just as the maniac had gotten to the top of the window, the hair fell. However, still grasping for dear life was the man.

Acting without hesitation, Rapunzel grabbed a candle, rushed over to the window, and held the flames at the mans fingers. He flinched a bit, but was determined to not let go. Then, out of no where, Rapunzel slams down a large hard back book onto the mans hands, releasing a piercing scream, and sending him falling down, down, down.

From that night on, Rapunzel would never let anyone up into her tower again. After all: She had a new, shorter hairstyle.