YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY UPDATE TOMOZ!

What, I'm feeling hyper...
Really though, I'm looking forward to it.

Yay! I can't wait!

The Kriegs in exile fared better than many during the Blood Revolution, as some had taken to calling it. Too politically symbolic to execute and turn into martyrs and famous enough potentially to be useful yet, they existed on the outskirts of the small hamlet of Vissche, less than a full day's fast ride from the capitol. The crown provided them a ration barely generous enough to keep them alive and forbade the townsfolk, loyalists all, from either harassing or trading with them.

So this is limbo, Katya often thought. She never strayed far from the house or allowed the children long from her sight. She trusted the loyalists about as much as she did the crown, which was not at all.



Having Skyla back was equal parts help and burden, a burden Katya gladly bore. The girl had strength, an inner mettle Katya believed may have been battered and bent but thankfully wasn't broken. Each day she improved little by little. Her nightmares eased in frequency as well.

The twins adored her. Katya wasn't sure they remembered her from before the time the family was forced apart. At least they were bonding strongly with her now. Gemma, too, took pleasure in trying to emulate the older girl. Only one member of the family seemed more despondent.



Katya watched Bert's rough play with the only toy he and Gemma had between them. “What did Heer Bear do?” she asked lightly as she stepped into the room.

“He ran away,” Bert answered without hesitation.

“That was naughty of him,” Katya said. “But he came back?”

“No,” he said. “I had to go find him.”

“What was he doing when you found him?” she asked.



Hugging the bear close, he said, “Making people mad. Making them want to fight.”

Katya sat on the bed and smiled faintly. “Like you?” she asked.


He frowned and set the bear aside, standing up to face her. “No, I don't want to fight. I don't want him to get hurt. If he makes people mad, they'll hurt him.”

“You miss your brothers and your oldest sister,” Katya said, this time not asking.



He nodded. “Skyla came back. Why not Alaris, Evan, and Magritte?”

“They might yet, darling. We have to be patient.” She reached to smooth his hair. “What about Ivan? Don't you miss Ivan?”

He pursed his lips thoughtfully, then shook his head. “I don't remember Ivan,” he said and turned his focus back to the stuffed toy.

Katya quickly left the room before he could see her tears. For the first time she felt a stab of anger at her firstborn for leaving the way he did. You had your reasons, she thought, good ones, but we're still your family, damn it. Don't you care?


Katya started toward her journal and stopped short, frowning and thinking, No. You aren't talking to me, so today I'm not talking to you. She passed it by, instead heading into the kitchen.



She smiled at the sight that greeted her. “You'll make a good mother one day,” she said.

“Maybe,” Skyla shrugged and gave a wan smile. “Hopefully not for a long time.” She stopped suddenly and looked stricken. “Oh, Mama, I didn't mean--”

Katya shook her head. “I know that. Believe me. I'll be very happy if you're not a mother as early as I was.”

Skyla smiled in grateful relief and turned her attention back to the twins.

Katya glanced around the kitchen and asked, “Have you seen Gemma?”

“Not for a while. These two have been keeping me busy all day. You want me to look for her?”

“No, you're doing fine. I'll look,” Katya said. She all too quickly covered every part of the house with no sign of the girl.



Outside, she called loudly then listened, hoping to hear the thudding of little feet or perhaps the familiar bell-like chirp, “Coming, Mama!”

Instead, she heard a male voice coming from the copse of trees about twenty feet from the house and her daughter's high pitched peal of laughter. Shoving down her panic, she marched toward the sounds with a very stern look. I'm going to save her, then I'm going to kill her, she thought.



She burst into the clearing and stopped cold in her tracks at the sight that greeted her. “Alaris!” she cried. “Oh, Alaris!”

“I found him, Mama,” Gemma crowed happily. “I found Alaris!”

Nodding, laughing, and crying all at the same time Katya raced forward and pulled her son close, showering him with kisses.



To his credit, the 18 year old bore it with good grace until she finally got it out of her system. “I got your message,” he said once she allowed him room to speak.

Her joy shifted to concern, and she poked him, saying, “So you thought to come here of all places?”



“Ow,” he said with a wincing laugh. “You have to admit, Mama, here is the very last place they'd think to look.”

“Only you would have the brass enough to waltz right into a loyalist hotbed with nothing but the clothes on your back and an eye patch,” she scoffed, but secretly she felt both pride and pleasure at his audacity.

“He also has a sister,” Gemma said so fiercely both Katya and Alaris had to cover their laughter with coughing.

“Think this one's adopted?” Katya asked.

“Not a chance!” he said with a laugh. He tugged Gemma's braid. “C'mon, Tigress. Show your big brother around the homestead, and tell me you have something to eat.”


“Just gruel and turnip porridge,” she said sadly.

“Hnh. Looks like I have to feed you, then. Some way to treat a guest.” He lifted his gaze to his mother. “Mama, can you help me with that sack behind the tree?”

Looking where he pointed, Katya gasped, “That looks like enough to feed us close to a month!” She fought back the lump in her throat with difficulty, the thought of the children finally having the chance to be full almost too good to bear.

“And some people wonder why we fight the crown,” he said lightly, but she saw the underlying anger in his eye and knew he had seen all too clearly how much weight both she and Gemma had lost.

We'll talk soon, she thought, lifting her side of the sack. Tonight.

You know, I am really getting interested in the political backdrop that you have going on here... You keep adding in these tantalizing little details, and I am looking forward to finding out more about the politics that are going on and Katya's place in all of it...

And on another note, she really seems like a great mom

And on yet another note, kudos on editing the pictures, especially the one where Alaris is swinging Gemma around. I like the "woooooh I'm moving through the aiirrrrr" effect. I never have the patience for editing! For me, if it can't be done in game... then it can't be done!

Oooh! Still loving it! I can't wait for the next chapter!

To be honest, this is the only story I have ever been so interested in! Amazing job!

Love the update it had some happy and sad moments but it was really good. Looking forward to next one.

Yay!
This is my number one fic at the moment, and yay for Katya! Another one of her older children has returned...
We don't know why they disappeared though, do we, or have I missed something? I'm great at missing important details...

QueenRebecca: I'm really glad you're noticing the little political details. Without giving anything away, I can say that more will be revealed in time, in subtle and not so subtle ways. :O Katya loves her kids. No matter how much she thinks she's a bad mother, I think she's way too hard on herself on that front. Most good parents are. And thanks about the pics! I've finally started playing around with them a little. That one with Gemma and Alaris was a happy little moment of, "What does this setting do? Oooh, I like!" Usually I prefer to do minimal editing and effects because of time constraints, but occasionally I like to throw in something special.

Tree4me, I'm really glad you liked it! Next chapter's just a couple of days away. I wish I could do them faster, but this schedule seems to be best for now. If I added a third per week, I'd really be pushing it to get them out on time, and the quality would suffer.

Sweetsweetie85, thank you! I figured the middle kids deserved a little showcasing. They've been so much in the background so far, particularly Gemma. Like most kids from time to time, they were clamoring for a chance in the spotlight. :D

EDIT: Hey, Meggie! You posted while I was posting! hehe I decided to edit so I could catch you, too. Thanks so much for the huge compliment. I'm glad you're enjoying, and I hope I can keep up the excitement.

I've hinted here and there that the older kids were removed from Katya for political reasons, but I haven't gone into detail on that. And her oldest son, Ivan, left to find his father under less than ideal circumstances before the war, at least according to Katya's perception. Alaris has been fighting in the war, but he was already old enough to be on his own, so he wasn't removed. I hope that clears things up. Currently, the only two kids still missing are Evan and Magritte.

Lol Evan and Ivan

:D

Thanks for clearing things up. I only started seriously reading this a few chapters ago which meant I kinda whizzed through the first few, which was probably a big mistake with this kind of story.

You're welcome! Glad I could help. Yeah, the first few chapters have a lot of tiny details. I try hard not to include purely extraneous information. If something gets mentioned that isn't directly part of the scene in progress, it almost always builds to something later. I'm sneaky like that.

im addicted to this story!

Ooh! The next chapter is out really soon! I can't wait! YIPEE!

Lisang, thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you're reading and enjoying. There's lots more to come.

Tree4me, yep! As a matter of fact, it will probably be in 10-15 minutes, as long as my internet connection is feeling cooperative.

Having Alaris in the house is like hosting a whirlwind. You wouldn't recognize him, Ivan. I don't mean just the physical changes—he lost an eye in the war early on—but mental as well. Oh, he's as headstrong as ever. It's just that now he has found a purpose. It has made him formidable. I think you'd be proud.

He insisted I take some time to myself while he watches the children. There's a switch! So I've had a long, “glorious” nap, as Evan would say, and I have some time to write before Alaris and I talk tonight. As much as I love him, I also know him. He didn't come here just because of Amon's warning. He has dozens of places to hide. No, he wants something. Getting to see me and the children is only a small part of it.



It's not easy returning to this. I still blame myself for so much of what happened. I feel in many ways I deserved every blow. I don't know if you know this about me or not, but I'm terrified of the dark.

When I awoke in that wrecked cottage, I imagined all manner of dread things closing in on me. You know what sort of world we live in. It may not have been just my imagination. Plague houses have a way of clinging to bad memories, and—ugh! Enough of that talk, or I'll scare myself all over again.



I heard whispering and stealthy scrabbling. I imagined I could see things coming for me in the darkness. I was afraid to stay in the cottage and equally afraid to leave. It was so dark, I could easily fall into the canal and drown. I was also worried that Bim could be waiting out there to finish what he started.

Have you ever been paralyzed with fear? Given what Matthjes put you through, I have no right to ask that. I'm sorry. I know you don't believe me, but there was so much I didn't know. I'm aware that now isn't the time to discuss such things. We may never get such a time. I just hope that one day you realize that's the truth.

I was paralyzed. I thought some plague spirit would take me in the night, or one of the dark spirits of the canal-drowned. I thought I could feel their icy fingers in my hair and smell their bloat stench.


Then I heard Papa and Las calling for me. I wanted to shout out, “I'm here! Over here!” Shame silenced my voice. If they found me, they'd see me. They'd know what Bim did and why. They'd denounce and revile me, and rightly so, I thought.

I pressed my hands to my bruised mouth and closed my eyes. I didn't think I deserved to be found. I choked back my cries and trembled in the darkness until their voices faded. I don't know how much longer I sat there.

I had the strangest sensation that I had always been there. I always would be. Maybe I was a plague spirit, and all that was good and real in my life was a forlorn dream.



Light blinded me suddenly. When my eyes adjusted, I saw it was Mama with a lantern. I hung my head and braced myself for a beating and a lecture. I had never been out alone after dark, had never failed to return home when I was expected. I imagined my mother's fury.

That time I was wrong. Mama spoke to me kindly, at least for her. “Look at me, Katya,” she said. “Come on, now, raise your chin. I need to see your face.”



When I did as she asked, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly.”Where else are you hurt?” she asked me. “Can you get up?”

I hurt all over, and I was stiff from sitting all balled up. I needed her help to stand. “It hurts, Mama,” I cried out. “It hurts so bad!” I was ashamed of my tears. Mama despised crying and was usually cruel in the face of it.

“What did that boy do to you?” she asked.


I searched her eyes for the reproach I felt had to be there. There was hardness, yes, but I sensed that for once it wasn't meant for me. I almost didn't know how to handle this mother, the one who wasn't blaming me or berating me. I opened my mouth, but I couldn't force the words to come.

“Katya, this is important,” she said more forcefully. “What did he do?”



It all came out in a terrible rush of sobs and tears, everything about what happened except for one vital detail, Roland, the reason I would never, could never love Bim or be his wife. Although I understand her reaction now, it puzzled me at the time. Underneath her perfunctory concern, she seemed relieved.

She led me home then. It took a long time, for I was weak from my ordeal and all the vomiting. I kept waiting for the lecture, the accusations of how I was such a fool. They never came. Every time I stumbled, Mama caught me. When we finally reached home, she helped me undress and ushered me into her and Papa's bed. I felt guilty that everyone else was still out looking for me, but I was also relieved. I felt if I had to face Papa, Donik, or Laszlo, I'd die of shame.


They let me sleep for a long time. When I awoke, I could tell it was late in the afternoon. I jumped up in a panic, thinking of all the chores I had missed, and was instantly sorry for it. I hurt all over. I could barely turn my head, and my face felt weird.


I recoiled from my reflection in the polished metal disc we used for a mirror. Even as anger welled, self loathing had its say. Good, it said. Now you look as ugly as you are inside for what you've done. Now nobody will want you, least of all Roland.

That thought cut deepest of all. I looked around the empty cottage and thought suddenly and irrationally that my family must have left me. I ran from the house and almost sobbed in relief to see Mama just a few feet away weeding the herb bed, Las in the vegetable patch, and Papa and Donik in the distance working in the hay field.



As soon as Las saw me, he dropped his hoe and ran over. “Are you ok?” he asked.

If I thought it felt strange having Mama be somewhat supportive, it was nothing compared to how I felt seeing real emotion in Laszlo's eyes, emotion for me that wasn't jeering or contempt.

“I'm ok,” I wanted to say, but my voice came out as a croak. I wondered if I'd ever stop wanting to cry again.


“Get your sister a ladle of water,” Mama said to Las. “Her mouth is dry.” She added to me, “Sit down, Katya. Sit in the shade there.”

It was then, with Mama weeding close by and Las holding a ladle of cool water to my lips, that I realized how stupid I had been in thinking they had left me. I still felt hurt and confused, but I knew that my family was there for me. It was one of the most comforting things I've ever felt.

Once again...
GREAT CHAPTER!
It's nice to see her mother and Lazlo being good to her...
And I wonder wat Alaris is up to. Good that the kids are getting fed tho.

Very good update as always!!! I agree with Meggie it was really nice seeing her family being good to her. Looking forward to next update.

Thank you Meggie and Sweetsweetie! Her family seems to have their moments.

The kids are very glad to be eating something that isn't milk or turnips. Milk and turnips. Bleh. *shudder*

As for Alaris...hmmmmm. We'll just have to see!

Wow, again. An amazing job!

I can't wait for the next chapter, the suspense is killing me! I would be scared if I were Katya at the moment. Great work!

I can't wait to see what happens next!

Woo! Upload today! I will have to read it as soon as I get home! I am still feeling the suspense, I am tapping my toes just typing! Woo!

Tree4me, your enthusiasm is catching! Now I'm all excited about the next update, and I already know what's happening. hehe Thanks for the great feedback! It means a lot.

BonnyLove, it's always fun hearing from a new reader. Thanks so much for letting me know you're out there and following!

I have been having some modem issues off and on today, so if there's not an update tomorrow, it's a technical difficulty. My ISP is already aware, and we're getting tech help. It shouldn't be long if there is a delay, but as of now, we think it's fixed. Just wanted to give everybody a heads up.

WHAT!? I have to wait longer?

Well, fair enough, my modem and main server keep on crashing. We found out we had a trojan on my dad's computer, and it spread through the network into our computers. Good thing we fixed it!

Thanks for the heads up.

I have a good connection at the moment. Technically, it's the 2nd, so here goes nothing. *crosses fingers*

I'm sorry you guys had a trojan horse, Tree4me, but I'm glad you got it resolved. Our modem issue seems like a hardware problem. If worse comes to worst, we'll just replace the thing. It's getting old, anyway.

Katya smiled at her son, thinking not for the first time how like and yet unlike his father he was. “Come sit by your mother,” she said, patting the seat beside her. “It has been too long since I've seen your handsome face.”

He grimaced and did as she asked. “Hardly handsome these days. I'm collecting scars like some men collect rare coins,” he said.



“Some women like that sort of thing,” she said, amused. “So, Alaris, to what do I really owe the pleasure of your company, and dare I ask for how long it is to be this time? Bert has missed you horribly.”

He eyed her askance and asked, “What, I can't just visit my mother and siblings because I miss them?”

“With half of Duteschenlanden burning down around you and many of those fires your doing? Of course you can, but it's not like you,” she said bluntly.



“Such faith you have in your son!” After a moment, he dropped his mock outrage. “I suppose I should be grateful there's someone still alive who knows me so well and loves me in spite of it. Before we get into why I'm here, tell me how you are, how you really are.”

Katya waved off the concern. “You know fully well what our position is here. Like it or not, we're pawns of the crown. Ever since King Naar consolidated the loyalty of the nobles, we haven't had much chance to do aught but as he bids, sit here conspicuously doing nothing save existing at his pleasure. It's not ideal, but it could be worse.”


“You know, it truly pleases me to hear you speak in such a way,” he said.

“Well, I'm glad one of us can smile,” Katya snapped sourly. “Perhaps you failed to notice how thin your siblings are. Had I not been fat from the twins when all of this started, there'd be a great deal less of me here, too.”

“You misunderstand me,” he said, sobering at once. “My heart burns with rage at what the crown has done to our family. I intend to see King Naar swing from a gibbet for all of his wrongs when all is said and done. What I meant is that I'm glad this mockery of an exile hasn't cracked your spirit, Mother.”


“I've buried three children and have three missing. This is nothing,” she said dismissively. “Now, enough stalling. What do you want? Let me warn you now that I'll drive you from this house myself before I'll see you endanger the children.”

He narrowed his eye, his voice low, but heated. “They are in danger already, like it or not. One disloyal loyalist, one disgruntled crown soldier, one idiot with more fire in his belly than sense, and you and everyone in this house will be up in flames. I can't control that, and neither can you.”



When she stayed silent, he continued. “My question to you is do you want to be passive for the rest of the revolution, a pretty little jewel in King Naar's oppressive crown, or do you want your power back?”

“I'm listening,” Katya said.

“Nils has become a problem,” he said flatly.

Katya sighed. “The bottle?” she asked, although she really didn't need to. She knew. She had seen that problem coming for a very long time.


“Yes, the bottle,” Alaris said and stood to pace. “I can't keep him out of trouble anymore. Alcohol is too accessible in Kolnenberg, but out here--” he let it hang, watching his mother closely.

“What about you?” she retorted, choosing not to answer just yet so that she could consider it.

“You know I kicked that habit the day they took Father away,” he answered evenly. “Please don't insult my intelligence by trying to put me on the defensive. I'm all too aware of my past sins. Will you let Nils stay here or no?”



“You're asking a lot,” Katya snapped. “How can I be sure he won't hurt the children? How far gone is he? Don't paint me a pretty picture, Alaris. If you want me to do this, I deserve to know exactly what I'm getting into.”

“I wouldn't have it any other way. It's bad, but Nils loves our family. He always has. He'd sooner cut off his own arm than hurt the children. You know that. No matter what Nils is, he's not violent, and he's not a letch. He hasn't been the same since Ivan left. The strain of all the fighting has taken a bad toll.”



Katya thought of the impish little boy she once knew, Ivan's pale shadow ever since the two met in first year school. Damn Alaris, she thought in amused consternation, he has to know I've always felt maternal toward the boy. “If I do this, how good is it for the cause?” she asked finally. “Don't you dare look smug. I haven't said yes yet.”

“It gets him out of my hair, and it keeps me safer. He is getting careless. Twice last week he almost gave our company's position away. If Amon Zimmermann was getting close as he claimed, you can bet it was partly because of Nils.

“Mama, my only other alternatives are to have him killed and make it look like an accident or let the crown take him. Given the fact he knows too much about us and would never withstand torture, the latter isn't much of an option. Please,” he said, the plea naked in his eye.



Suddenly, Katya saw before her not the battle hardened “Street Fox” she had come to know since the war started, but simply her boy Alaris, her and Matthjes' first-born, begging her for the chance to hold to what youth and humanity he had left. How could she possibly refuse that? “I'll do this,” she said, “but you'll have to provide for him. We have no food to spare.”



“Thank you, Mama. I'll make the necessary arrangements,” he said, immediately moving toward the door.

“You're leaving now?” Katya asked, startled. “You just got here! It will devastate Bert to awaken and find you gone.”

“I have to get Nils before he compromises my men. If I'm not back in two days, something has happened. I've already told Beemer to get word to you if the worst happens. You won't be in the dark like you are with Ivan, Evan, and Magritte. I won't do that to you.”



She nodded and watched him leave with the curious mixture of pride and anxiety she had come to associate with her second-born. Theirs was never an easy relationship, for nothing was ever easy with Alaris, but there was no shortage of love and respect on either side. She hoped he'd be back soon and set herself to the task of making an inconspicuous place for their impending house guest.

Gosh, Alaris doesn't seem like the cheery type. Considering that the place is war-torn, there is no real reason to be cheery.

Again, magnificent job, and I can't wait to here more!