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Old 28th Mar 2016, 3:07 AM DefaultThoughts about life and death #1
Flauschschlange
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Lab Assistant

Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 134


Here I am, at almst three in the morning and cannot sleep. The hospital called about an hour ago to tell that my grandma died. My pillow is still wet and I cannot sleep despite the valerian I just took. I'm glad I came home for the easter holidays to visit her in hospital because I feared it would be the last time.She was ill for about 2 months only, the rest of her more than 80 years on earth were happy. I think she reached in her life what she wanted to reach.

Do you have got any goals in life? Are scared of death?

I wouldn't say that I am afraid of death, though if necessary, I will fight for my life with anything I have got. I am on the edge of turning thirty and I can already say that I reached one of my two goals n life: I made a change. Not a big change like Che Guevara made for example, but a little one. I want to go on living because there are so much more changes to make. The other goal I haven't reached (literally) is to visit the Galapagos Islands, which I want to visit since I am 5 years old.

Maybe there will be an edit when I'm less sleepy or I'll answer to one of your posts. Let's ee, if writing down my thoughts will help me sleep.
Old 28th Mar 2016, 4:11 AM #2
Bigsimsfan12
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I'm lying in bed and can't sleep either. I'm sorry to hear about your Grandma. You might find the Vent thread useful. I lost my Mum a few years ago from a heart attack caused by a complication in her pregnancy. I spent a lot of time venting in that thread on sleepless nights like you're having. You might find it helps.

I have a few goals in life, but really I feel like life isn't worth it unless I keep improving? So after accomplishing my goals, I'll create more. I have some short term ones, I need to clean the flat tomorrow and graduate with a 2:1. I'd like to get one of my papers published, which I'm trying for at the moment. I have long term goals too, like to become a Clinical Psychologist. I'd like to visit America and Japan, have children, etc.

I can't really say I fear death, I see it as more a finishing line. You know, you've worked so hard and you've accomplished so much, and then you pass the finish line and you get that feeling of relief. However, when I was misdiagnosed with Lymphoma last year, it honestly shook me to my core thinking about how one day my body will just be lying in a morgue, as an empty shell. I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear that right now. It's the only time I've ever been scared of death, and now that I'm in the all-clear-do-not-have-cancer stage, I'm back to my old mindset. I miss my Mum a lot though, It really scares me to think that I'll never see her again. I dream about her a lot, and that kind of makes it easier - like she's visiting me so the absence doesn't seem so long. One day I'll be old and grey on my death bed, and we'll meet again, her still looking a week off 39 and me looking old enough to be her grandmother. I'm sure it'll make her giggle. Tears are rolling down my eyes now, lol. Deaths really hit hard, but at least you know your Grandma had a wonderful 80 years of life and I imagine she was probably pretty happy that you had gone to see her in hospital. I hope by now you've managed to fall asleep after talking about your feelings.

~Your friendly neighborhood ginge
Old 28th Mar 2016, 5:29 AM
HarVee
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Old 28th Mar 2016, 11:05 AM #3
Volvenom
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I don't believe in a life after this. I have been diagnosed with a fatal illness I will need lots of tiring treatment for in the future. I have also seen 4 grandparents go. Even my uncle died young.

I have enough with this life and all it's complications, I don't wish for another one. This life is all I can manage right now. Even if I didn't have food, shelter or pain in the next life, I really wish I didn't need to endure yet another set of people to handle. If I get to be 70 I bet I've had enough.
Old 28th Mar 2016, 6:27 PM #4
Flauschschlange
Original Poster

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bigsimsfan12
You might find the Vent thread useful. I lost my Mum a few years ago from a heart attack caused by a complication in her pregnancy. I spent a lot of time venting in that thread on sleepless nights like you're having. You might find it helps.

Tears are rolling down my eyes now, lol. Deaths really hit hard, but at least you know your Grandma had a wonderful 80 years of life and I imagine she was probably pretty happy that you had gone to see her in hospital. I hope by now you've managed to fall asleep after talking about your feelings.


I talked to my parents who are in the middle of all that paperwork. We took her dog for a walk who has been living with us for the past few weeks.
I'm sorry for your loss, too. I am so glad to still have got both of my parents. Losing a parent must really be tough. I do not want to imagine it.
After writing I managed to control my thoughts away from death and towards my relaxing thoughts that help me fall asleep. I wouldn't call it a good night's sleep, but I slept. But I won't be up late tonight
Old 28th Mar 2016, 7:20 PM #5
simmer22
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I'm sorry for your loss. Losing people close to you is hard, and I know all too well how thoughts about the big things like life and death can rise to the surface when it happens.

I've had to deal with death in the family since I was 4 (my brother died at age 10, from getting medications his body couldn't process because of a rare condition), so it's been a big part of my life. Half a year later, my great-aunt died (she, along with my other great-aunt on gran's side, were almost like extra grandmothers to me). Then my grandpa died, followed by the rest of my gran's siblings, and then my gran in the middle of it all - that loss hit us hard, since she was pretty much the glue that held our family tightly together. Then there were several good friends of the family, plus some distant family, the son of a friend of the family (same age as me), and latest, my other gran (dad's side), about a year ago. I have one grandpa left (dad's side), and he's got cancer and probably also some stage of dementia, so I'm not sure how long he's going to stick around.
(this isn't counting in the still-birth of a cousin's baby, or the miscarriage of another cousin's twins, or losses of more distant friends of the family that my parents know - I'm almost sure there's been on average at least one or two deaths among family/friends every year since 2000-ish)

The deaths having the greatest impact on me would be my brother and gran (mom's side). The death of my brother stuck with me all up until recently, when I was finally able to get a firmer grip on my feelings. I think it's the thought that if that mistake hadn't been done, there is a possibility he might have been alive today. As for gran, she meant the world to me, and was always there for me. But I had time to process gran's death and was more prepared (she got sick with cancer, got somewhat better and stayed relatively stable, and then got very sick and died maybe a couple of years later).

Being afraid (but not terrified of) death is a healthy attitude. Keeps you from doing stupid things, and keeps you alive. That's my thoughts on the matter. I've had a lot of issues I've had to work through, particularly regarding the death of my brother, but I think I've gotten to a place in my life where I'm for the most part able to deal with it. Time heals, but there will always be scars left, particularly from those people you loved the most.

"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept,
things we don't want to know but have to learn,
and people we can't live without but have to let go."

I also try to live in the moment. It doesn't mean "follow every huge dream", but iti does mean to cherish the little moments, like a good laugh with a friend, a good movie, hanging out with people you like, eating good food, and generally doing stuff you love to do. When you've got the chance, observe life - in the forest, in the city, on a mountain, or wherever you are. Take the time to listen to birdsong, pick flowers, or just take a walk without stressing from one place to another, because that's when you truly feel you're alive. And at every opportunity, give people you care about a hug, or some of your time, or perhaps a small gift you spent time making or planning. Show them you care about them, because if there's one thing life has taught me, you never know when they're gone from your life.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain"


Life isn't necessarily about chasing goals or achieving things. It's not about making money, either. The big 'meaning of life' doesn't even exist. Life is simply what you make of it.
Last edited by simmer22 : 27th Nov 2017 at 1:16 AM.
Old 28th Mar 2016, 10:24 PM #6
Dizzy-noodles
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I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma. At least you got to see her recently, I hope that is of some comfort.

I do have goals, I'm slowly working towards them, but I've been knocked down and picked myself up a few times now, so it's hard.

I'm not afraid of death, as I have a chronic incurable disease. I'm terrified of life becoming unbearable - I think there are far worse things than death. When I get frightened, I find the idea of Dignitas makes me feel much safer and calmer. The first time I got very ill, I got to the stage where I was longing for death. Also, I do believe in some kind of afterlife, so I feel that my horses, my relatives and my friends will be waiting for me, and I will be happy with them again.

I think that the meaning of life is love. Do a job that you love, have hobbies that you love, spend time with people and animals that you love.

Hugs to you xx
Old 30th Mar 2016, 4:31 PM #7
GnatGoSplat
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I'm very sorry to hear about your grandma. 9-months later, I still cry about losing my dad, pretty much every day.

I do have a lot of goals, but I haven't reached hardly any of them. My personality probably conflicts with my big life goals, and I'm so slow at accomplishing the smaller, insignificant goals, that I doubt I'd get much done even if I could live to 1000. I think my problem is as a child, I had delusions of grandeur for my future, and then I turned out to be this... wimpy, nerdy, wet blanket, stick-in-the-mud, ridiculously shy, timid type of person.

I'm terrified of death, which makes no sense really because I don't believe in an afterlife, so afterwards should just be... nothing. Should be no scarier than before I was born, right? I guess I just don't ever want to not be here, and the thought of something I don't want to happen just causes me fear. I guess it's normal to fear anything you don't want to happen. My biggest fear is lack of health, and fear of anything medical. I really feel bad for those who have mentioned having health issues as that's a nightmare to me. I envy the strength of people who can be diagnosed with something serious yet still manage to function daily. I've always feared heath problems, but I've gotten so much worse since my dad got sick with a couple unrelated things, both serious, although ironically, something completely unrelated and unexpected took him suddenly. I tend to mentally put myself in his place a lot, because I'm so much like him. I'm practically his "mini me", and I imagine what he went through to be my future. That terrifies the crap out of me, as I know it terrified and depressed him thoroughly. Anyway, I realize I need a better attitude because I'm okay health-wise as far as I know, so what I'm doing by worrying all the time is not living.

Resident wet blanket.
Last edited by GnatGoSplat : 31st Mar 2016 at 4:57 PM. Reason: OCD, had to fix that terrible run-on sentence.
Old 27th Nov 2017, 12:46 AM #8
sailorleontine6
Lab Assistant

Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 73


i know i shouldn't reply to this since it's been 1 year and 8 months last time someone wrote about this.

but i do know how it feels to lose someone you loved and who you used to be so close with , i'm still sorry about your loss

back to when i was almost 11 (in 2008) i lost my grandmother from cancer (a day before valentine's day)

then a few years later (in 2014) i lost my mom's friend who i used to be so close with from cancer too (who felt like a grandmother to me)

then like one year and a half later (in 2015) my dad's friend killed himself because his wife died of cancer (from above) and didn't want anything to do with his life anymore (who felt like a grandfather to me)

and then last year i lost my grandfather from old age and his illness (brain-bleeding,seizures and his coma)

and i can't seems to get over that stuff and all , i try not to let anyone (especially my friends) see it or i'll feel weak to them but it's still bothering me .

i find some distractions though, like: going out and wandering somewhere and go to a place to calm me down or visit some people while walking outside, listen to music, spend the time with my family and friends,watching youtube video's, eat some unhealty foods (like chocolate) even though if you know it will make you fat with that, play some game (like sims 2)
and write something on paper so i'll feel a bit better and calmer about my issues stuff

everyone is different though so i don't know which one can help you but this stuff helps me when something like death's is bothering me or when i get a panic-attack

and like i said, i'm not over the death's stuff and all , the only thing that i can get over with it is: my grandmother since it's been almost 10 years that she has died.
i don't know why but i accepted the fact that she won't come back to earth anymore, i didn't believed it at first but after 8 years after her death i believed everything is real (don't ask how come)

i didn't stop crying when it was supposed to be my grandmothers birthday or the day she died when i was younger (i'm not crying anymore now though but i'm still sad when it was supposed to be her birthday or the date she has died)

i was once dreamed about her, about how she was doing and stuff and 1 time i was seeing her for real as a ghost (idk how it's called though) but i couldn't move that day when i was seeing my grandmother (my grandfather was with her who happened to be her husband) in the morning i woke up pretty much scared and told all of this to my mom ,

i still wanna know how my grandmother is doing with my grandfather and how much i miss them (and the 2 other people i knew aswell) but i know i won't get that answer since she's death but i hope she's fine though.
i got over that shit about my grandmother's death though and found some way how to have less pain and stuff (this month it was supposed to be her birthday and when she was still alive she would be at the age of 84 now but she died almost 10 years ago now )

nothing has been the same after my grandmother died and when my grandfather died last year we are drifted apart as a family and now we are like strangers now (they hated each other before my grandfather died) we don't spend the time with each other anymore , most cousin's won't show up at someone's birthday that's why i said we are some strangers now !

sometimes i can't sleep because of my thoughts about death in general but also from 4 people i lost, i keep asking all this questions to myself while lying on my bed

here's 2 picture's from what i wrote about my grandmother
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Old 27th Nov 2017, 2:12 AM #9
simmer22
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The one sure fact about living is that sooner or later you are going to die. Whether it's from disease, an accident, deliberately, by old age, being too young, or any other reason, it's going to happen. You can do things to maybe live longer, but you can't live forever, and neither can the people around you.

I'm not a believer in an afterlife. In many ways I felt a little lighter when I put away the remainder of my childhood beliefs. I'm afraid of dying, because I want to enjoy life. In my view there's nothing to look forward to at the end of it all, so I'd rather stay alive as long as I can.

I've had to deal with death in many ways throughout my life, having lost so many people I cared about. Some losses, particularly the ones that happened out of the blue have followed me for several years, possibly causing depression at certain points of my life (that of my brother in particular). The loss of my gran was difficult to deal with in a family perspective - but on a personal level I dealt with it remarkably well, considering she was so important to me. I think this was because I had a while to process the loss before it happened, so to speak. I knew she was going to die - and when it happened I was there with her. I spent a lot of time with her both before and after she got sick, and have a lot of good memories of her. I think this helped me deal better with the loss so I could move on. I think the circumstances around a person's death have a lot to say for how how the people around them deal with it.

Currently I'm working as a nurse in a nursing home. I'm caring for a lot of old, frail, often sick people who either waste away because of disease, get infections they can't shake, get sudden heart attacks or strokes, suddenly decide to stop eating, or any of the other reasons old people eventually die. It's made me realize that for some elderly, death can be a release. I've heard at least a couple of those elderly ladies say out loud "I wish I could just die" because they're old, their bodies don't work as they should, or they're simply tired of living. Of course, we've also got several who cling to life with every atom of their being, even if their general condition should've knocked them out weeks or months ago, and some people who seem to enjoy whatever life they've got left even if they're quite frail. It's of course sad when we lose someone at work, but at the same time it's usually after they've suffering some or another condition that caused pain, confusion, a failing body, or some other misery. These people dying is a part of the job, though, and it has given me an additional perspective on loss.

It's sad when elderly people you care about die, but keep in mind that most people in the age of 65+ have had an eventful life, and maybe even carried out some of their dreams. Maybe they've seen their kids or even grandchildren carry out their dreams.

Either way, dwelling on their deaths won't get you anywhere. Most likely you'll just end up getting more depressed, and that's never a good turn. Instead, try to focus on remembering them as they were. Think of the good memories you have of the people who are gone from your life, look at pictures of them, and talk with someone else who knew them, sharing memories. Maybe there are some good stories that makes you smile or even laugh. It's a much better way to remember someone, trust me. You can also visit their grave and bring flowers - and don't be afraid to talk to them while you're there. Saying things out loud can help clear out some of the mess left over in your head. Talking to a picture, or a leftover memento can also help. Sometimes, talking out loud helps you put your thoughts into words, instead of having to listen to the circular ways of your inner voice. Writing or art can also help, like writing the person a letter with all your feelings, or channeling your frustration into a painting, drawing, poem or story. There's a reason some of the best works of art and writing come from the most messed-up people...
Last edited by simmer22 : 27th Nov 2017 at 2:38 AM.
Old 27th Nov 2017, 5:35 AM #10
budwinys
Field Researcher

Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 357


Quote:
Originally Posted by GnatGoSplat
(...)I do have a lot of goals, but I haven't reached hardly any of them. My personality probably conflicts with my big life goals, and I'm so slow at accomplishing the smaller, insignificant goals, that I doubt I'd get much done even if I could live to 1000. I think my problem is as a child, I had delusions of grandeur for my future, and then I turned out to be this... wimpy, nerdy, wet blanket, stick-in-the-mud, ridiculously shy, timid type of person.

I'm terrified of death, which makes no sense really because I don't believe in an afterlife, so afterwards should just be... nothing. Should be no scarier than before I was born, right? I guess I just don't ever want to not be here, and the thought of something I don't want to happen just causes me fear. I guess it's normal to fear anything you don't want to happen. (...)


These parts of your comment could have been written by me. I always thought I was going to be a doctor, attractive, and travel the world. Right now I'm fat, work a part-time retail job, and have barely made any progress in college because of how much it costs. I can fix these things, but I just take so long to do anything and I'm always procrastinating.

I like to entertain the possibility of an afterlife, but I'm not sure about it. The only reason I even think it's possible is due to experiences myself and my mother have had. I guess I'm agnostic? Is that still a thing? I'm pretty sure nothing happens after we die, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. But it scares me, too. Especially because, when I try to use the "well it's just like before I was born" logic, it's not really true. I didn't exist then. I exist now. I will have existed after I die. They're different states. And sometimes, I know it's probably just my brain not being able to process not existing, but I feel like there was a before.
Old 9th Dec 2017, 11:13 PM #11
PANDAQUEEN
Theorist

Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,492


I am actually pretty open about the idea that there is a world beyond the mortal coil. I believe that family awaits me on the other side depending on how you lived as a human, learning the hard way that life is not without obstacles or pitfalls.

When I see church ladies of any denomination scold me because I am living life and they have a tightly bound comfort zone they are too afraid of stepping out of because of perpetuated vitriol that threaten condemnation for not even learning that seizing life is better than living in fear of something that may be a lie in the idea of "...or else!"

Personally, I see the passage of time to be part linear (Western Civilization's concept) and part cyclical (Eastern Civilization's concept). I am not into Doomsday prepping and I believe life goes on.

When my grandmother died 3 years ago on June 30, 2014, I was happy to know she was spiritually insured. She was one of my mentors in life. Given my way with words, my aunt LuAnne has commissioned me to petition Pope Francis to canonize my grandmother for her saintly track record. I am not uncomfortable being able to mesh with my family.

I actually even give reason for atheists and agnostics to have an open mind and approach things cautiously. I have been known to reason without impinging on their beliefs.

I have played marriage counselor to my parents because I was emotionally invested in the both of them. I sometimes play therapist and give pep talks to passersby who seem down.

I try to approach life and death matter-of-factly and in reasonable sanity when needed

http://richinc.boards.net <--- My forum. Currently has a general talk board and a cooking board. Check back for more boards... please don't hurt me.
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