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Old 30th Oct 2007, 1:27 AM DefaultTheater Bride #1
APaiger
Original Poster

Test Subject

Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 50


(I worked up the courage to post this one. I never post my writing anymore, due to bad past experiances, but I like this one, and thought I'd share)


Theater Bride

She was married in the theater,
at exactly 5 o'clock.
A matinee performance-
the show of her life.

She was married to the theater-
costumes day and night.
Under the lights everyday,
spot lights on at night.

She was born within the theater,
learned to walk across the stage.
Performing from the first day born-
won't stop until she's dead.

She died in the theater-
the last performance of her life.
Layed upon the stage,
and drew her very last breath.

She lived within the theater-
among the ups and downs.
She died for the theater-
it killed her in the end.

(Feedback welcome. Hope it's ok by everyone- it's the first poem I've written in years that I actually like.)
Old 30th Oct 2007, 7:52 PM #2
Rabid
Mad Poster

Join Date: Jan 1970
Posts: 4,736


Lovely poem. The imagery is great. I especially like the line, "the show of her life."

Do I dare disturb the universe?
.
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Old 9th Nov 2007, 5:41 AM #3
Julieth
Lab Assistant

Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 380
Thanks: 95 in 2 Posts
4 Achievements


Ooh, this is lovely. I like the first two stanzas, the repetition is pretty nice. You should share more of your poetry, if it's anything like this peice!

*counter culture since '03 and counting*

"LMAO wtf r u syaing?!!1!"
The above sentence is not english. I only understand english. Thank you.
Old 21st Nov 2007, 12:07 AM #4
sayyadina_SC

Join Date: Jan 1970
Posts: 448


Quote:
Originally Posted by APaiger
(I worked up the courage to post this one. I never post my writing anymore, due to bad past experiances, but I like this one, and thought I'd share)


Theater Bride

She was married in the theater,
at exactly 5 o'clock.
A matinee performance-
the show of her life.

She was married to the theater-
costumes day and night.
Under the lights everyday,
spot lights on at night.

She was born within the theater,
learned to walk across the stage.
Performing from the first day born-
won't stop until she's dead.

She died in the theater-
the last performance of her life.
Layed upon the stage,
and drew her very last breath.

She lived within the theater-
among the ups and downs.
She died for the theater-
it killed her in the end.

(Feedback welcome. Hope it's ok by everyone- it's the first poem I've written in years that I actually like.)



I love your poem, but who is "she"? Is it you? Is it someone you know? If not, maybe someone you know and love in spirit! May I suggest you go deeper into her life, cause somehow you're poem feels a bit shallow, like you're running very fast over her life without considering nuances (. I don't wish to give you negative feedback, only make you feel more "in Tune" with your work. Hope I dont add to your bad experience. Your text have such a potential.)
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