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Old 5th Dec 2018, 3:54 PM #4276

Join Date: Nov 2007
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Really pessimistic today.
It's the 5th December, still don't know what my sister's doing for Christmas. She's most likely (like every year) waiting for me to basically arrange it all for her but I'm not going to. About 2 weeks ago she asked me when I was working, I sent her my rota and she replied "you're working a lot" (I work 38 hours a week, not "a lot"). Well, if you wanted to see me, maybe you should've arranged something sooner. I have a job. Residents need care on Christmas too. We've already agreed Christmas day won't work, because my Dad can't drive her over. Which I'm completely fine with, because Adam's sister already invited us over because she actually cares whether we see her or not. We agree (basically I give her dates me and Adam are available) on either Friday before Christmas or Friday after, and for her to check with Dad. That was two weeks ago. He hasn't heard a thing from her about it, but says by this point he's already planned on working both those days. He wants me to come visit her, but why should I? Every year when I lived in Aberystwyth I had to stay for a week, and it was a nightmare. She basically uses me as free childcare, she would have me sleep on the sofa with no blanket, her house set off my ashma, and now that I'm pregnant and I'm definitely not staying over for more than a few hours, she has cats that wipe their asses all over everything and her house stinks. I have better things to do than harm my unborn baby and sit about while she types away at her computer ignoring her kids, not making any conversation and expecting me to just sit there and entertain them.

I don't know what to do. On the one hand, I don't want to just give in but on the other, it's kinda making Christmas pretty stressful in that I have no idea if I'm going to be hosting a family get together around Christmas time or not.

~Your friendly neighborhood ginge
Old 5th Dec 2018, 6:55 PM #4277
Graveyard Snowflake

Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 996

Wifi's back, but it's shit. I can't even play Slither.io without intermittent lagging.

Life is paradoxically coincidental to the ironical tyranny applicable to the unparalleled definition of reverse entropy.

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"Meh." - me
Old 6th Dec 2018, 1:09 PM #4278

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I'm still so annoyed about what happened about a week ago. It started when we were trying to show our scan to my Mother-in-Law. My Fiance mentioned "Remember when you were rubbing Cassie's belly and said that she wasn't pregnant yet? Turns out she was", and then she goes "oh I know I just didn't want to say anything". Okay. She kept saying about how she knew all along, and it kinda dampened the surprise, but hey I can get that, maybe she had hunches - she probably would've even if we didn't concieve at first because the minute you tell someone you're trying so you've started buying baby clothes, they automatically presume you are or you're about to be. Cool. But then suddenly it becomes a whole whirlwind discussion on my parenting with my brother, because yes he acts out sometimes. It became a whole "the problem is, he's your brother and not your child, so he sees you as a sister", even extending it to "He sees Adam as his mate" (okay, don't know how many friends he has that tell him to do his chores and tell him he's grounded when he acts out) - but that's not the problem. If you really wanted to "help" me, then you'd sit back and maybe take in what I'm saying. He doesn't see me as his sister, if you looked at the ways he treats our 3 other sisters, it's pretty apparent. He's always seen me as a parent because I've always been a parent to him, even from when we were very little. But no, everyone (Mother-in-law, Sister-in-law, Step-Father-in-Law) all telling me that this is the definitive problem, and my teenager can't act out because he's a teenager, no, this is why. Despite the fact that he's never tried smoking, or drinking, he's never had sex, which is more than I can say for her children at that age (kinda a hilarious throwback to last Christmas when Adam's youngest sister mentioned how many people she's slept with and Adam shouts "STOP" every time I bring up that memory) and she was their parent, so how come my brother's problems with apathy and anger issues are souly because of this? He got in trouble on his first day of primary school for kicking a kid in the crotch (apparently the kid was bullying him) - I wasn't his legal guardian then so why is his anger issues my fault now? If you wanted to "help" so much, then maybe actually try to help instead of masking a serious issue with a ridiculous excuse. The worst part is, because Adam has had 28 years of his Mum deciding the way things are, he just agrees to shut her up. "Yeah well he does kinda see her as a sister" he said. Which really irritated me more. Sure he tried to argue against that idea several times, but he completely smashed everything he built up when he said that. Argh.

Then ofcourse everyones telling me I need help. I need to get a social worker to take him out sometimes so he's out of my hair. Why? Why do I need that? Why do I need "time off" from my child? If anything, I feel like I don't get enough time with him because a lot of the time he keeps himself cooped up in his bedroom after school and on the weekends he goes swimming with his friends. I need more time with him, sometimes I think he feels ignored because of mine and Adam's busy work schedules (we both work all day Saturday and Sunday, Adam comes home at 6pm every weekday and I come home 8pm most weekdays). Also what is a social worker going to do? He had a social worker when he moved in with us to "Help him transition", and they deemed him fine. Really, I think my brother has ADD/ADHD and depression that's been left untreated for a while. Yes, he needs some help, but he needs help in the way of a therapist (a proper one, not one he just lies to because he's bored of going), not in the way of someone to come over once a week and take him off our hands for an afternoon.

She told me, several times "You're not ready to be a parent of a teenager", but why not? Yeah, two weeks ago he was a butthole. She doesn't even know about the stuff he said to me when he was told to sit in the corner and write lines, but outside of that, I have a child who is super sensitive, who is slightly clingy and wants to be cuddled and held (even though he's 15), who I can trust to go out with his friends without worrying about him coming home drunk or knocking a girl up or smoking or doing drugs or fighting. Which is more than I can say for kids around here. He struggles to concentrate in class, but he at least does his homework and turns up on time. He has friends that actually like him for who he is, and he's never trying to be the "cool" kid. Even though he tells me I embarrass him when we go out in public and walk past one of his friends, he still cuddles me in front of his friends before he goes to sleepovers. I actually really like him as a kid, he's not inherently bad, he's just misunderstood and nobody is giving him the help he needs, because every time we take him to therapy it's "so how do you feel about your sister? Do you like your sister's partner?", god help us when the baby comes, I bet "Are you having anger issues because there's a new family member?" will become one of the questions. No wonder he quits therapy every single time we try to take him.

~Your friendly neighborhood ginge
Old 6th Dec 2018, 10:56 PM #4279

Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,999

Just leave me alone. I screwed up my finances. I was so good with them this autumn, and the worst nightmare for me is my bank account dipped backwards.

I hate December.

"There are some obstacles that cannot be removed with a mere show of force."
-King of Atlantis, as portrayed by Leonard Nimoy, Atlantis: The Lost Empire
Old Yesterday, 5:38 PM #4280
Mad Poster

Join Date: May 2010
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I have been sick for two weeks now, and right at the end of the semester and when I'm starting a new duty station at work. On top of being unpleasant, this is just getting boring.

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