Handling bullying by yourself is like having a child battle Hitler.

Well, I think you can not like someone and still be a decent person towards them. There's a neighbor across the hall I can't stand, but I'm still polite. No, I don't tell her I don't like her (I probably didn't put that very well).

See, with kids, they're generally not tactful. I know my own child isn't. He has to understand that there's this thing called "tact." He repeats what he hears (he has a speech/developmental delay) so you have to watch what you say around him and how you say it.

You can't make people like others, doesn't matter why they don't like them. All you can do with your kids is tell them, be civil anyway.

You know, in junior high I was tormented big-time. I had other girls whistling at me as if they were calling a dog. I was told countless times that I got beat with the ugly stick (and my husband says they're all liars). I was used as a punching bag a few times and one time this girl jerked me to the ground by my hair. My home life was chaotic--my dad was sick and constantly grouchy, and I put up with a lot of verbal abuse from him as well, the man called me everything but a human being when he went off on his tirades (thankfully I was never physically or sexually abused). But I never, EVER turned to drugs or alcohol or crime or anything like that.

Something you just said touched off another memory. I've noticed that when someone is at their lowest or most vulnerable, unless they've explained what they are going though, they are likely to be more targeted for criticism or teasing. I've seen this with adults as well. I almost think it was because of your home life that you had the makings of a bully's target and I am so sorry that happened to you.

It also reminds me of something a priest once said, that when someone is being annoying to you it is really a measure of how much pain that individual is in. There's something to that. The message was to consider what someone might be experiencing instead of just reacting. It's not easy to do. In fact, it's easy to forget, but not a bad thing at all to try and practice.

What you were saying about kids and their lack of tact: I remember being in a grocery store with my son when he was very little. We passed by a woman shopping with her young daughter who was in the cart. As we came by, the little girl wrinkled up her nose and drew her body as far away in the cart as she could. As we passed, she made a point of saying loudly to her mother that she didn't like boys. Then she said something else about boys - maybe that they were yucky. Of course I recognized that she was just a little kid, but on an emotional level, I wanted to tell her to screw herself. My boy was precious and no one asked her opinion. But, of course, I didn't. I wondered where a little girl would get such a weird notion. But that wasn't even the worst part. Her mom only repeated her words back to her. She didn't say anything about how hurtful a thing that was to say. I would have been mortified if my son had said anything like that and would have responded immediately.

As you said, you can't force people to like one another, but you sure can insist that they are civil.

I was actually very sheltered. My parents were overprotective, and there were some things I should have learned that I learned the hard way. Let's just say I thought deodorant was some faddish thing. *facepalm* It wasn't until a teacher took me aside and explained a few things to me that I started to actually care about my appearance, and this was in 9th grade.

In seventh grade, some boy I didn't know intercepted me on the way home from the bus stop and gave me a black eye (this was in 1985). Supposedly someone had told him that I said something about him. Thing is, I never even knew who he was until he slugged me and I know I didn't say anything about him to anyone. Sometimes people like to instigate fights like that....

I sometimes wonder if my personality is offputting to people somehow. My parents were never the social type as far as I know. My dad, who died in 2000, was as ornery as could be, though happily I was getting along with him just fine before he died...interestingly enough he told me stuff about his illness that he was hesitant to tell my mother or younger sister.

I'm just thankful that my son doesn't appear to be bullied. He's in special education. He's a friendly little guy, but a bit bullheaded.

You were awkward and a little behind the kids your age, no doubt, but you weren't the first kid to need that deodorant talk. I've seen it before. You would think the parents would say something to their child, but I've seen a lot of children with parents who don't seem to realize that their child has hit adolescence and it's time to wear a bra or address hygiene. Kids that age are often horrible to each other too. They do pick on anyone who stands out in a way that they would be embarrassed about.

Hopefully, your son will continue to be accepted by his peers. I've seen kids be wonderful with the special needs kids, but it depends on what the issue is. The more obvious the disability, the easier it is for the kids to accept odd or oppositional behavior. I think it helps the kids when the adults around them model tolerance and patience.

I've noticed that it was never really "cool" to pick on special ed kids, at least not most of them. But my sister was in special ed and I got ribbed on for that. "Your sister is a retard!"

Actually, she's a bit behind the eight-ball. She's almost 38 and our mother has guardianship of her...she thinks on the level of a 12. She's always been jealous of me because I was in accelerated classes, marching band, and the like. (Yet she managed to hack into a computer in junior high.) I'm married with a child; she's still single and most likely will always be. She wants to be like me but can't. And she gets jealous if our mother comes to Ohio (they live in Michigan) to spend a few days with me, my husband, and son...I've told her repeatedly, "hey, you have Mom 24/7, so chill!"

My family's a bit screwed up!

I was acting a bit like a 12 myself until around the time I graduated from high school. I'm surprised (and grateful) my husband's put up with me for so long, as we've been married 18 years, got married when I was 20.

Congrats on your marriage. Given what you said about verbal abuse from your father, you are extra lucky to have a patient husband. I think I allowed so much verbal abuse from my ex because I was used to it from my dad and used to hearing my dad give it to my mom. It's a bad pattern. It's why he's the "ex".

That must be difficult with a sister like that. God bless you for your patience! It must be difficult for her too, wanting to be like you and not being able. Life isn't really fair and it's something we all have to come to terms with.

I wonder if the siblings of our special ed kids get teased? Some of them are just wonderful with their siblings - sometimes too wonderful. I see them taking on adult roles and worry it may be too much for them. But they seem strong.

What is a good way to respond to a taunt like you described: "Your sister is a retard!" ? Is there something to say back that stops that type of taunt? Is there something that could be said that would provoke thought and raise awareness? Is it possible to reach into the hearts of those who are teasing?

They have to grow out of it, is my thinking. They have to grow up and realize that there are just some things that people cannot help. Teachers and parents can talk to them until they're blue in the face...and it's not until they've matured a bit that they realize, you know what...they were right.

My sister would have a complete meltdown in the hallway and it took our aunt (who was ALSO in special ed when she was in school) to come to the school and calm her down. One time I heard such an outburst and my math teacher and everyone were looking at me. "Your sister?" my teacher asked.

I wanted to disappear.

And my dad considered arguing to be some kind of a sport. There were times when it was actually funny...but when you think about it....

I too know what it's like to be victimized because of something "I" was supposed to have done. I was in Yr 9 when a boy from school started spitting at me at the school coach stop. When I eventually reported him to my tutor and was backed up by another boy who'd witnessed it, I learnt that supposedly I'd damaged his brother's bike during the summer holidays. News to me - I hardly ever went anywhere in the village because all my school friends lived in the next town! Luckily he apologized and that was the end of it. What really surprised me though was my tutor (or was it my Head of Year? I can't remember) congratulating me on "being brave" - it wasn't bravery, I was just sick of it!
However, I never did find out the reasoning behind the two Yr 11 girls who'd pick on me when I was in Yr 10. Even reporting them didn't work - it only stopped because they left the school at the end of the year.

As for being teased due to having a disabled sister? Nope. The worst it got was having other people staring at us when we were out as a family, and coming second in the sibling stakes (she always got more attention), although it was embarrassing when she had a tantrum in public. But both of those were things I got used to, and it's actually helped. Unlike a lot of people who will talk only to the carer of someone in a wheelchair, I'm more likely to ignore the carer... and speak directly to the wheelchaired person.

Sorry to hear that you had a bad time at school because of your sister Alex. It's bad enough to know a family member is having a tantrum, without having the spotlight fall on you thanks to a teacher's comment!

What i ment was its a big case these days

Heres what happens

Someone posts a picture or vid of someone doing somthing embarrassing. Then they put in through the internet or by cellphone. Then when it gets viewed, people might copy the picture and will spread like chipmunks, and if the person who notised what they done and they delete it, its too late because there are copies of the picture and people will look at the copies. And they will bug the person for however how long

Cyber bullying is like bullying face to face. Only difference you can't see the person. Some people will get some random IM saying:

"Hey you effin slut"

or hurtful words. Is it right? No. Even if they do sign off, they have this urge to keep going on the site to see who or what is seeing said about them. Because they can't stop, it literally becomes an obsession that can not be cured. Because in their mind they NEED to know what is saying said, and who is saying it. If I were to be cyber-bullied online, that is how I would react no matter how bad it hurt me, I would want to know, no I take that back, I would NEED to know. And worse part, cyber-bullying is contagious, like this horrid epidemic, once it starts, it spreads. Then not only the person that started the bullying is doing it, but people do NOT even know the person begin to chirp in. And then its is literally so bad, that the need not only becomes an obsession but literally an itch.

"What are they saying about me now? Has it stopped? Has anyone began to defend me?"

And more question just shoot their head. What ifs, begin to take a toll as well.

"Well, what if I did this, instead of that."

"What if..."

Bottom line, Cyber-bullying and bullying in general is a good way to have population control, because more people will end their lives then get help. Why? Because they are embarrassed on what is being said about them, that they do not seek help. Or, when they do, they are ignored, and told to get over it. Bullying is a win lose scenario. And here is how:

Win for the bully because their self-esteem went up for two loserific minutes

Lose for the family of the child that was bullied. Lose for the child that was bullied. Lose for the teachers that just stood there and watched it, and didn't speak up. Lose for the world, because they will never know what that child could have became.

If students spoke up, if teachers spoke up, if parents spoke up, if sites that saw the cyber-bullying spoke up, and if the child that was getting bullied spoke up. There probably be less bullying, HOWEVER, it wouldn't end bullying for good. Like I said, bullying is like a sickness once someone has it, it goes around, and it doesn't stop. Until that bullied child is dead, or the bullier finally gets a brain and stops (Which is very rare.)

Just let me ask this question(s):

How many lives will it take for everyone to realize that bullying is a huge issue?! HOW MANY?! Until someone acts on it.

It should have only taken...None. Not one life should have been taken to realize that bullying is a huge issue. After a few hundred, maybe thousand deaths, we are slowly taking action. And it should have been none. Bullying will never stop, but if we can find a way to start making a step, or speaking up. We can save more lives, and see more smiles.

It starts with one voice. Lets be that voice, so that families can see their kid on Christmas, on their birthdays and in their arms. Instead of..Being at their grave site on their birthday.

My nephew told me that kids were making fun of him and pushing him into lockers for being Asian. That makes me want to punch every one of those bullies so hard. But nooooo, it's a federal crime.

Eh punch them anyway Just kidding. It sucks when you are helpless, because You know that you can't help, but you truly want too

It's less about self-esteem and more about power, the power to make someone else miserable. When people bully, they are trying to hurt someone - it's aggression and meanness.

You seem to be making a point that people take bullying seriously and take action - stand up to it. You want more of a response to bullying than you see generally? I could see this. People for so long have acted as if going through bullying is a rite of passage. And they've excused bad behavior as normal ("boys will be boys"). Definitely, this needs to stop.

I knew a girl in the special education classes who used to get teased and the students used to laugh and say she stunk. I don't really know if she ever did my sense of smell is horrible. In order to help this child the principle ordered the special education teacher to force this child to take a shower at school, and not only that but they washed her clothes. Insert a new special education teacher who had not delt with kids with issues. This girl suffered from axiety, and a crippling social disorder. Imagine what this did to her once word got out what the teachers were forcing her to do. Sure her parents could have helped her but none of them bothered. IN fact I know her mother never listen or she could have sued the school for the damage.

Later on in life she gained a complex from this. For you see she bathed every day before school, and became paranoid about smelling. To the point everytime her monthly came around she couldn't stand to be near anyone for fear of smelling. Everytime someone would say something smell she'd cringe, every time someone said she smelled she'd vanish.

Point is, helping a person being bullied can also hinder them. Any issue about sanitation should be brought up to the parents to handle, if that fails a school nurse is better to handle the situation. With helping a bullied kid NO ONE should be singled out. Except if it is the bulliers who should not know who they are accused of bullying. If truency can get parents arrested, so should bullying. Have a few parents tossed in jail for what their kids did I am certian parents will do more to make sure their kids behave. May sound cruel but bullying is abuse, and assult of sorts. Also parents of bullies should go to parenting classes, parents of bullied kids should be looked at to. If they dont' care or blame the child they should be held accountable to.

Truth be told though you will never get arid of bulling no matter no how. It will always exist in some sorts. Shoot, I go to anime conventions and I STILL see people bullying others.

If you want to bully someone make certian ti's one of your firends and make sure they know you're full of shit before you do so.

My mother was teased for smelling at school, and she did. She was called 'stinky nancy' because, her family was very poor and couldn't afford clothing and bathing every day like other kids. (this was the depression). So she wore the same stuff and she smelled. She also was sick, so in those days they made her wear vicks sab on her chest, which didn't help. These were the days when people wore wool and didn't launder their clothing constantly like we do today. One time, some mean kids paid a boy to kiss her because she smelled.

Later, the teasing went away when she could afford better hygeine. She wasn't unduly traumatized and went on to become miss ohio.

Going to school in the 80s, it was considered extremely uncool to buy one's clothes at Kmart. I got picked on because my mother *gasp!* bought me my clothes...and mostly at Kmart.

Actually, I liked what my mother bought me. If someone made a rude comment about it, I told them, "you don't like it, then YOU can buy my clothes!" Usually that shut them right up. Then I had an aunt on welfare (same aunt that calmed my sister down) who bought clothes for my cousin, who was about the same size as me...my cousin turned them down because they weren't designer clothes. Guess who got new clothes? LOL

I remember one time in junior high I was wearing a pastel-colored sweater jacket. Some girl said, "That jacket's for babies." I said, "Well, if it was, it wouldn't fit, would it?"

(I also liked the He-Man and She-Ra cartoons back then. Boy did I ever get ripped on for that....)

As a child I went by "Lexie" at home and "Alexandra" at school. Some kids found out about my nickname and started calling me "Lezzie." In 8th grade I had no idea what that was...and when I did find out....

I love route 66 jeans, and IMO they are much more durable. Though sadly Kmart here rarely sells my size (size 8) they usually sizes above. Even in the 90s Kmart clothes wern't cool. Wish I had the wit you had at that age. XD I do now though.

My real name I admitt is April May, yes as in June July. But guess what was big when I was in elementry, Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles. Can you guess what I got teased for. Seariously some how it was April O'Neil jokes and other TTNT jokes, but you know no month jokes. 0_o o_0 Though learning my months was hard because I wouldn't be paying attention then I'd randomly blurt what on either April, May, or June.

:pedobearface:

Jk lol i always thought as you as a guy lol. Your avatar tricked me

Don't worry, it happens in real life too. -_-() But don't you read posts around here XD I posted enough pics of myself on here. Refer you to what made your day thread for one more on top.

PS: Pedobear only likes little boys and girls, not us people in limbo between not quite young and not old yet.