1. Either you cheat or you don’t cheat. If you cheat, you don’t need a dice, and can go back if you make a bad decision. If you don’t cheat, you have a higher chance of dying, but you do get the benefits of having a new adventure to go on every time you read, unlike those who cheat, who have likely read most of the story lines.

2. If you decide to not cheat, get a dice, which you will roll whenever asked. Or pick a number between 1 and 6 whenever it says to roll a die.

3. No matter if you decide to cheat or not, you still should follow the basic structure of reading these types of stories. Starts at the first section (in this case post No. 2), and at the end of the section, make your decision on what you’re going to do with the given situation. On the choice you make, it will tell you to go to a different section to see the results of your decision (in this case, you will go to the post number that you are told). At some point, you may have to roll a die or choose a number to get to the outcome. Stop once you reach a post that ends with “The End,” where either you have died or the story is finished.



*Many thanks and worshipful thoughts to Garth Nix for his own fantastic Choose Your Own Adventure type story, which I suggest anyone read! It’s in a short story collection of his, and was a great inspiration.*
*EDIT: Thanks to Delphy's new SWEET code, viewing and reading this story is incredibly easy! Just use the nice numbers I added to the chapter titles to help you navigate (so you don't have to count the chapters to find where you are!) through the side bar. Thanks to Delphy, the king of codes! *

Your uncle the Duke has asked you to meet him at 6:30 outside of the corner café, Café de Light, a popular and festive establishment. However, it is now 6:31 and he has still not arrived. Cold and bored (and unnerved by seeing some of the local lads not so sneakily eyeing your bulging wallet), you decide that you need to do something. You -

Continue waiting. What’s the rush? Go to 21.
Go into the warm and inviting café. Go to 4.
Take a stroll in the cold and inviting streets. Go to 3.

Pulling your coat around you, you stroll aimlessly around the street corner, watching the passing cars roar by, splattering you with water (and worse) when they get too close. Flinging off a pair of pants the most recent car splattered (likely from a previous victim), you notice a couple of friends walking by.


“Hey, we’re off to the party at Vincent’s,” one of them shouts, while the others continue on, gesturing for you to join them. “Join us, his sister’s out for the week!”

Do you run off after them, rather irresponsibly forgetting your uncle and your promise? (Hey, you only live once) Go to 9.
Or do you politely refuse and continue on your stroll? Go to 10.

The café is bustling and full of laughter. You imperiously walk by the civilians, and in your best upper-crust English accent ask the head chef for a hot chocolate.

“With marshmallows?” she asks, appearing intensely interested in your reply.


“Uh, yeah, marshmallows. And whipped cream,” you mention, forgetting your accent and uncomfortably noticing how close she is. Her eyes widen with delight at your response, and she pulls you through the kitchen and into the back room. Do you -

Fire off your pistol and run? Go to 7.
Take off your shirt, and let things go from there? Go to 5.
Slump to the ground in fear? Go to 6.

She looks at you in such a strange way as if to say “who do you think you are?” that you embarrassedly reach down and pick up your shirt, unfortunately falling flat on your face in the process. Go to 6.

The chef grins, and helps to pick you up. “You seem confused. But why, aren’t you the flea?” As you try to work out if this is an insult or not, she quickly explains that the flea is a secret agent who is working to help her retrieve an ancient map of the city. “But he seems to be late, he told me that at 6:31 he’d order a hot chocolate, and ask for marshmallows and whipped cream. Could you possibly help me instead? There is a reward.”


She grins at you in a not entirely innocent way. Stomach churning (you can, if you close your eyes tight, even see the butterflies down there), you consider the deal.

Do you accept the job? Go to 8.
Do you refuse the job? Say a flowery variant of “no” and go to 7.

As you turn away to leave, she grabs you by the arm and pins you to the wall. When you struggle to get away, she hisses “Where do you think you’re going?”


“Uh, out,” you explain timidly, pointing to the back door.

“You most certainly are!” the chef yells, and as she snaps her fingers two men with dark mirrored sun glasses and aprons pick you up and toss you out the door, joking to each other about the fleas you find in these restaurants. Fearfully, you run into the streets as soon as they are satisfied that you’ve been emasculated. Go to 11.

“Brilliant!” she exclaims, and snaps her fingers. Two men with dark mirrored sun glasses and aprons come in and start to pick you up. “No, you dolts! Get the food!” Pardoning themselves, they set the table in the corner with the most delightful display of pastries you have ever seen. After the chef and waiters are satisfied that you’ve eaten enough, they escort you out the back door. “Remember, tell no one of this map!” the chef cautions you, and they wave as you walk triumphantly into the nearby alley. Go to 11.

Laughing with your friends, you walk over to Vincent’s sister’s house. He welcomes you all with smiles and a half-eaten bag of chips. The party is superb (can’t go wrong with leftover pizza and lukewarm drinks), and not paying attention, you accidentally drink one too many glasses. Lurching to the bathroom, you kick out the couple who look rather bemused by your sudden appearance, and relieve yourself. When finished, you begin to leave, promising never to drink two cartons of orange juice again. But before you reach the door, you hear Vincent’s sister’s boyfriend say “Have you caught him yet?” You shrink back, terrified. The bathroom is right next to the section of the house reserved “for family” as Vincent puts it, and you have never been allowed in. Also, due to the fact that just last week you threw a water balloon at him, you decide it’s best to stay back.


“He’s too powerful now. I hear he’s gained the confidence of the Duke, and is working up into the restaurant business, if you get my drift.” You can almost hear them all nod in a mysterious, significant way.

“Blasted flea,” a woman shouts, and you have a feeling that they’re not talking about the parasite. Unfortunately, you’ve leaned in so close to the wall that it collapses. Though you cannot help but worry about the shoddy architecture, you have more pressing matters on your mind – ten people in black with expressions ranging from annoyed to furious. Expressions that clearly suggest death threats. Do you –

Walk back into the bathroom, carefully replace the wall, and leave? Go to 22.
Start praying and hope they think you’re a crazed but harmless monk? Go to 24.
Faint? Go to 20.

You walk aimlessly down the streets, watching the familiar sites. It begins to rain, and you have no coat and no desire to get your perfect hair messed up.


Do you slip into the dark and dangerous looking alley? Go to 11.
Do you run back to the café? If so, run about two blocks up, and turn the corner at 4. You can’t miss it.

You walk down the dark alley, slightly disappointed in the lack of peril. What’s the point of going on a walk, a quest if you will, when there’s no danger, no excitement? Where’s the pizzazz? As the rats nibble at your feet and look up curiously, you curse your uncle to a boring life, curses becoming so violent that you don’t notice when you bump into a wall. Nose swelling, you look up. You seem to have found a lost part of the city! Well, lost as in you seem to be lost. However, the people in the area don’t seem to be, and to the right is a slightly shady looking pub, to the left is a tourist trap.


If you go left, go to 12.
If you go right, go to 13.

You walk into the outwardly authentic tourist trap, captivated by the large inflatable alligator leering at you. It’s a busy place, so it takes a moment for the crowds to part and you to step away from the rows of “I <3 This Place” labeled shirts, mugs, top hats, and cell phone covers. When they do, you see that dark end of the store seems to be aimed for a … slightly different buyer than the average tourist. You go up to one of the models, fascinated by the glittering suits, wondering idly how you would look in a matching one… But before you get much closer, the model you are slowly closing in on rightly decides that you’ve gotten a bit too close. She begins to scream, and a crowd gathers. Do you -

Meekly apologize, and run out as fast as you can? Go to 14.
Grin at her smugly, and pull her into the nearest back room? Go to 15.
Do a back flip, kick several onlookers, draw out your pistol, shoot out the window, grab on to the ceiling lamp and careen out into the night? Go to 16.
Faint? Go to 17.

As you swagger in, only one of the men look up. The rest are passed out on the counter, though you think you might hear some sounds of retching out back. The single bulb swings from the ceiling, and a puddle of brown liquid pools around the canister. The mirror on the wall opposite the bar is flecked with beer, dust, and food, and it smells. Obviously you’ve come to the right place for some mind numbing alcoholic beverages. As no one seems to be working the bar, you pour yourself a glass of the best wine, and sit down. The man who looked up stares at you, and suddenly exclaims in a loud voice “Nephew!”


“U-Uncle?” you stutter, overcome with surprise, as he pulls you out back.

“My dear boy, what the *hic* are you doing here? We’re still on for tonight, right?” he slurs out, wavering a bit but still looking at you intensely.

“But it’s almost 7:00 now-”

“Never mind, just get back to the meeting place. We have a reservation at that café.” As you look at him unconvinced, he adds with a wave of his hand (that almost topples him over) “I’ll be fine. Shoo, I’ll be there in a quarter of an hour.”


He pushes you out into the street, and saunters back inside. You look back at the swinging door. You’ve never seen the Duke dressed in everyday clothing, and this is your first seeing him in a local bar. (However, it’s not your first time seeing him drunk. Those meetings with the earls are wicked crazy.) Perplexed, you walk out into the alley. Go to 18.

Giving a cheesy grin, you mumble something along the lines of “My mistake, please forgive me, oh great goddess that you are, forgive my un-gentlemanly and boorish behavior…” Sill babbling, you flee. She throws a knife after you, and you can hear it whizzing by your ear until it hits the wall with a thud. There’s just a few more feet to the door, so you put on speed, rushing to beat the next knife that’s been thrown after you. You trip, and gasp as the knife hits exactly where your head would have been if you had still been upright. Gulping for air, you crawl on. Go to 18.

She doesn’t protest, and soon enough you fling the door open with gusto and a smirk. As you begin to tug off your shoes, you notice the tremendous display of gleaming silver weaponry paraded on the walls, and the red splotches on the floor that do not look like tomato sauce… Now it’s her turn to leer.


Do you run away? Go to 14.
Or do you seize one of the weapons, and kill the seducing murderess? Go to 19.

This is all very exciting, but can you actually do that? Roll one die.

1-3 - What would you know! The ceiling lamp of this rather sleazy place happens to be a crystal chandelier. And, this being the cheap place that it is, the fixtures are rusty and the crystals are glass, not diamond. With a tremendous CRASH, the whole thing collapses to the ground. Everyone begins laughing at you, and you angrily stalk out. Go to 18.


4 - You exceed all expectations, flipping through the air like you were born to fly, knocking out your victims like the ninja you were in a past life, and flying through the window with a triumphant flourish. Unfortunately, you forgot to shoot out the window first, and spend the next few minutes pulling glass out of your hair, lamenting at the waste of a good haircut. Go to 18.


5-6 - As you prepare for the preliminary back flip (you can never remember which foot to start on), several of the models tow you into the nearest back room. As what passes in that room is far to violent and bloodthirsty for an audience of which anyone could be in, it will merely be said that you were killed with a variety of knives, swords, lances, sling-shots, and other gruesome tools, and are now probably the main ingredient in a major dog food product. Oh blast, too late. Maybe you should have paid more attention to the “trap” part of tourist trap. The end.

As the colors start swimming before your eyes, and darkness starts to overtake your sight, you hear a giggle.


You come to later, unaware of how long or short a time you were out, and find yourself in the alley. You idly notice you have lipstick all over your face. Grinning in a bemused but victorious way, you stagger into a vertical position. Go to 18.

As you walk out into the alley’s streets again, you see a lone person leaning against the wall. They take in your appearance (wet, various scratches, glass in your hair, stained and spat upon clothing) as you take in theirs – Tall, lumpy clothing, carefully slicked back hair, and a distinct appearance of cool. In their hand they hold a piece of paper loosely tied with a dirty bit of string. From one corner that has rolled down, wilted (the whole paper gives the appearance of a dying plant), you can see a detailed image of the city street. A map!


Employing your favorite accent, you say “I would like that map. That is, uh, I’ll buy it from you…” You trail off as the person continues to stare at you.


They tug off their hat and offer it out, cutting off your babblings. They look at you pointedly, and you have a feeling that you’ve seen that look before. But of course; it’s the look of wanting money. The air feels chilly now, and you shiver as you dig around in your pockets. Ah yes – you hold out what you have on you: a few coins from your uncle as a “Happy Birthday, go get drunk” present from two months ago. You casually tip them into the hat, and the figure weighs the hat. Seemingly much happier, they stuff the gold into one of many pockets and say in a more normal voice than expected “Good. Now, step over here.” You wobble over to where they stand, ready to beat a hasty retreat. The being smiles, and bends down.


You shudder and open your eyes. The person is gone, and you now hold the map in your hands. But something’s different. You open your mouth and finger you new unusually pointy teeth. Curious.


Use the map to get back to the café. Go to 25.

She smirks, and draws out her personal array of seven knives. Gulping, you lunge. Roll one die.

1-2 - Fear has taken away any skill you posses with swords, so after a few pathetic ripostes you crumple to the ground as she corners you. However, she trips on the quivering mass of jelly that was once your body, and almost impales herself. As she examines the near-fatal nick, you flee. Go to 18.


3-4 – You both fight admirably, and for a few moments all that can be heard is the gentle clinking of eight weapons. However, you soon gain the upper hand, and as you point your sword at her chest, she cries out “Please, spare me!” in the most entrancing of voices. You become so overcome with embarrassment and desire that all you can do is back out of the room, stiff legged and mortified. Go to 18.


5 – You fight wildly, thrusting the sword near her at any moment with no strategy whatsoever. As you lunge for the fourth time when she is not anywhere near you, she stabs at your arm, missing but scratching you. You give such a loud wail of terror that she freezes, and you somewhat anticlimactically leave. Go to 18.


6 – As you stick out the sword timidly, unsure of what to do, she stabs you fourteen times consecutively, twice with each knife. And you thought Caesar had problems. The end.

They look at your for a moment, then drag you out into the main room, Unfortunately, a few friends notice you and, believing you have passed out in a drunken stupor, pour buckets of water on your head until you wake up with a start, saving yourself from a certain death by drowning. Drenched and with the entire room laughing at you, you stalk out into the nearby alley. Go to 11.

You almost pass out with boredom. The little guttersnipes around you have been nipping at your wallet like vultures to road kill, and you’re hungry! And you could use a drink.

Do you finally take that walk? Go to 3.
Or do you satisfy your hunger needs? Go to 4.
Or, persistent little bug that you are, do you continue on your merry waiting way? Go to 26.

The group stares at you as a cloud of dust starts to settle. Not breaking eye contact, and remembering that they can smell fear, you slowly pick up the piece of wall and start to back off into the bathroom. They share one more significant glance, and tow you back into the room.

“So,” Vincent’s sister’s boyfriend says, as the women who was shouting adjusts that lamp so it’s shining directly into your eyes, “What did you hear?”


Somewhere between your brain and your mouth, the phrases “Nothing” and “Everyone was too quiet for me to hear anything” turn into “Everything.” Oops. Vincent’s sister’s boyfriend looks ready to strangle you. However, the woman begins to scream “We’ve been found out! All our work is for nothing!” The masses of black clothing (you feel as if you’re in a witch’s coven or at least a group of passionate Goths) are starting up a great big panic that could be a big enough distraction for you to slip away. Unfortunately, Vincent’s sister’s boyfriend grabs your arm before you can reach the hole in the wall.


“Calm down. This young man should already know quite a bit. After all, he’s our dear Duke’s nephew.” Suddenly the looks are looking less angry and more… fearful? “So, has your dear uncle mentioned a person called the flea?”

Do you tell him everything you know? Go to 23.
Or do you give a little laugh, explain you know nothing, and saunter off? Go to 23.

Everyone is staring at you. It’s become so intense that all you can do is answer. “Er, he’s never mentioned anything.” Laughing nervously, you try to leave. Vincent’s sister’s boyfriend grabs you and flings you back into the chair in one motion.


“Nothing. Well, that’s unsurprising, considering the flea’s beliefs. I suppose he would want to keep that all secret. He’ll gain power if we don’t find what his plans are soon enough! Then nobody will be safe, even the va-” He continues on this boring line of discussion. You’ve heard talks just like this at the university, just replacing “the flea” and “the government” with “the Man.” Before the group becomes rabid with righteousness, you sneak out. So much for sauntering. You call out a hasty goodbye to Vincent (mentioning that there are some issues with the bathroom), and walk out into the nearby alley. Go to 11.

They watch you suspiciously as you try to remember everything your grandmother ever said to you.


“Blessed be those that, uh, follow their dreams, for the one who lies below - no, above! – releases those dreams onto those worthy of the sacredness of prayer and eternal rest…”

They shrug as one. “Stupid kids with their cults,” the woman says, rolling her eyes. As you mull over the possibility of grandmother leading a cult, the room collectively shoos you out. You continue to pray until they’re out of earshot, while Vincent tries to convince you that religion does not lie at the bottom of a beer (Either he’s drunk or thinks you are). He tells you to take a walk while he uses the toilet. You hurry out into the nearby alley, unwilling to wait for his reaction to the ruined bathroom. Go to 10.

Following the map, you blunder through alleys, streets, people’s back yards (you almost get shot at one place), and finally get back to where you started from. Collapsing against the wall of the café, you pass the remains of your wallet to the local lads, who gleefully fight over who keeps the few coins you have left. After a few minutes, a dark figure crosses the street to you.


“Uncle!” you laugh. He’s dressed in his usual clothing now, and grins.

“Come into the café, boy. We’re a bit off schedule, but nobody will mind…” Leading you to a table, he looks around furtively, and whispers “Nephew, there’s a map somewhere in this city so old that -”

“Oh, the map? I’ve got that with me now!” you explain, and draw it out. The Duke’s eyes pop out to an almost comical size.

“Brilliant! Oh, you’ve helped me more than you can ever imagine,” he whispers, giving that grin of his from across the table. You can’t help but be pleased as well.