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Old 11th Jul 2018, 6:21 PM #26
JDacapo
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,526


Was it rough for you to end the friendship? Or was it just easy as pie?
Old 11th Jul 2018, 8:29 PM #27
VerDeTerre
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 7,497


It was rough because it was a long standing friendship and I missed her. But, as I said, she wouldn't respect my boundaries. That's actually a red flag for an abusive relationship. I offered to keep communication open via letters, but she refused that and instead chased down family members and friends trying to get through to me. That was simply further proof that I needed to hold my position. The experience was hard and I still miss the friendship that we had before she became too demanding and controlling.

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Old 11th Jul 2018, 9:10 PM #28
JDacapo
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Posts: 2,526


I see. I had problems with boundaries as well, and was ghosted by another friend because she didn't even make me aware of my missteps (I was kind of a nightmare fuel station attendant back in the days) until they became a habit. And well, you know the saying "Old Habits Die Hard." It was a lesson to remember though - through the years after that one rough year, I started to learn about the various signs of a disconnect and discomfort. It's super-important for those like myself who have aspergers to learn to be aware of their actions so they don't keep losing friends.
Old 11th Jul 2018, 11:11 PM #29
VerDeTerre
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 7,497


It's a hard lesson, but some people never learn it. It's difficult for many to look at themselves honestly and work to change - you did that! You have every right to feel proud. You've accomplished something. I hope you take time to celebrate your growth.

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Old 16th Jul 2018, 6:57 AM #30
JDacapo
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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I'd feel more proud if I had learned stuff like this sooner. I mean really... it took me fifteen flippin' years to learn something simple like that. Now sometimes I feel like I'm the 'elder aspie' giving advice to younger aspies - same way Prince of Queens on YouTube gives advice to other LGBTQ+ YouTube personalities. Also, looking back at my old persona, I think I wouldn't have wanted to be friends with her.
Old 16th Jul 2018, 7:10 AM #31
VerDeTerre
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 7,497


It's easy to beat yourself up and say you should have learned it sooner, but, truthfully, you just weren't ready. And how could you have anyway? You don't tell a newborn to hurry up and learn to use a toilet, for example. That old saying, "To everything there is a season" applies. You can only learn what you are ready to learn when you are ready to learn it. It's developmental and you cannot rush development nor skip steps.

It's also not productive to wallow in guilt or remorse or "should haves". Recognizing how far you come, taking time to reflect on it, is an important part of absorbing the lesson. Another way to look at this is that some people never get there at all. How awesome is it that because you experienced this first hand, you are in a position to help others? Enjoy that well-deserved pat on the back.

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Old 16th Jul 2018, 8:05 AM #32
JDacapo
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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Problem is, I was like... 23 and acting like I was 12. Even had an embarrassing public meltdown in LiveJournal back when it was still a thing. Still, I was able to learn some things from my experiences: https://www.deviantart.com/sanjouin...reepy-747524643 and https://www.deviantart.com/sanjouin...reepo-753424441 and mind you, I wish I had been ready to learn these things instead of being so stubborn - I wouldn't have been so miserable.
Old 16th Jul 2018, 1:44 PM #33
VerDeTerre
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 7,497


OMG! I LOVE your blog!

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Old 16th Jul 2018, 7:11 PM #34
JDacapo
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,526


Quote:
Originally Posted by VerDeTerre
OMG! I LOVE your blog!


Thank you! I did the entries to help others on the spectrum function better on the internet. Maybe it'll also help them irl.
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