View Single Post in: The Scumthorpe Files
#4708
31st Dec 2014 at 11:06 AM
31st Dec 2014 at 11:06 AM
Posts: 1,030
TigerAnne, I don't know what it says about me that I found all of those hilarious. Especially the guy who's calmly relaxing in the middle of the road with his head 6 feet away... anyway.
Is it time for a Scumthorpe thread birth? I think so.
----
“So, what do you want from the new year?”
“Family harmony? Probably unlikely, but at least there won't be any more surprise babies, or deaths... Not that Vincent isn't a cute baby, or that I wasn't happy to see Olivia bite the dust...what about you?”
“Become a rock star, if only so I don't have to hear Heath complaining about working in the supermarket. Apart from that I'd like a nice year with my lovely girlfriend...”
“You do flatter me. Oh, hang on. That's my phone.”
“Hello?”
“Saraya, can you help us? Mum's gone into labour as you can probably hear.”
“Owwwwwww!”
“The boys are freaking out and I'm the only one who hasn't lost their mind!”
“It's not that bad, kids, I swear- ouch!”
“Where's our Dad?”
“I don't know! He left ages ago and hasn't come back!”
“I saw him at your birth, he wouldn't be much help anyway...”
“What's going on, Saraya?”
“Roxxi's having the baby. It'll probably be born tomorrow, unless she has it 10x quicker than last time.”
“I suppose having triplets might loosen you up a bit...”
“Gross, Logan.”
“Please can you come over?”
“No, I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm really welcome there anymore. That and I'm still traumatised from last time.”
“On the bright side, at least this one's not an anal birth- hey, Charon! No offence.”
“What do you mean, no offence?”
“You don't know about where you came from? No sex ed yet?”
“We had sex ed... for normal sims! They didn't say anything about aliens. What are you implying, Logan?!”
“Oh man, I probably shouldn't be the one to tell you if you didn't know already...”
“Guys, now isn't really the time-”
“I wasn't born the normal way, then...”
“No, kid, to be blunt... you came out of your dad's ass. Sorry.”
“That...changes my whole world view, to be honest.”
“Hey, cheer up! It doesn't matter, does it? I can tell you without a doubt that he loves you!”
“Yeah, but an ass, Logan! No wonder that evil teacher at school called me a butt-child...I wasn't made with love.”
“Jeez, is that what they told you? Listen, no-one else in your family was either. They were made from a financial arrangement that ended in a murder, or a man in a 20-year midlife crisis buying porn stars online-”
“Logan!”
“Uh, don't say that to your friends, Charon.”
“So Carmella, love, I'm so sorry but there's nothing I can do. Just wait it out and I'm sure you'll have your little brother or sister soon.”
“Oh, fine- Tristan, where are you going?!”
“Turns out labour lasts for hours! Who knew? There's still time for me to play in the treehouse yet. Let me know if you see the head.”
“Are you serious?!”
“I could really use some help right now!”
“Sorry mum, she's not coming!”
“Are you saying my only hope is two of my triplets and not a single person over the age of 10?!”
“Looks like it!”
Hours of agony later...
“My stepchildren and husband may have abandoned me in my time of need but everything is just fine, no problems whatsoever, I'm not crazy I swear-”
“Oh, it's a boy! Why didn't you have a girl?”
“Right now, darling, all I'm having is a stiff drink! Happy new bloody year!”
And so Julius Farrington came into the world, probably to spend much time in his lovely nursery. Or on the floor.
Is it time for a Scumthorpe thread birth? I think so.
----
“So, what do you want from the new year?”
“Family harmony? Probably unlikely, but at least there won't be any more surprise babies, or deaths... Not that Vincent isn't a cute baby, or that I wasn't happy to see Olivia bite the dust...what about you?”
“Become a rock star, if only so I don't have to hear Heath complaining about working in the supermarket. Apart from that I'd like a nice year with my lovely girlfriend...”
“You do flatter me. Oh, hang on. That's my phone.”
“Hello?”
“Saraya, can you help us? Mum's gone into labour as you can probably hear.”
“Owwwwwww!”
“The boys are freaking out and I'm the only one who hasn't lost their mind!”
“It's not that bad, kids, I swear- ouch!”
“Where's our Dad?”
“I don't know! He left ages ago and hasn't come back!”
“I saw him at your birth, he wouldn't be much help anyway...”
“What's going on, Saraya?”
“Roxxi's having the baby. It'll probably be born tomorrow, unless she has it 10x quicker than last time.”
“I suppose having triplets might loosen you up a bit...”
“Gross, Logan.”
“Please can you come over?”
“No, I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm really welcome there anymore. That and I'm still traumatised from last time.”
“On the bright side, at least this one's not an anal birth- hey, Charon! No offence.”
“What do you mean, no offence?”
“You don't know about where you came from? No sex ed yet?”
“We had sex ed... for normal sims! They didn't say anything about aliens. What are you implying, Logan?!”
“Oh man, I probably shouldn't be the one to tell you if you didn't know already...”
“Guys, now isn't really the time-”
“I wasn't born the normal way, then...”
“No, kid, to be blunt... you came out of your dad's ass. Sorry.”
“That...changes my whole world view, to be honest.”
“Hey, cheer up! It doesn't matter, does it? I can tell you without a doubt that he loves you!”
“Yeah, but an ass, Logan! No wonder that evil teacher at school called me a butt-child...I wasn't made with love.”
“Jeez, is that what they told you? Listen, no-one else in your family was either. They were made from a financial arrangement that ended in a murder, or a man in a 20-year midlife crisis buying porn stars online-”
“Logan!”
“Uh, don't say that to your friends, Charon.”
“So Carmella, love, I'm so sorry but there's nothing I can do. Just wait it out and I'm sure you'll have your little brother or sister soon.”
“Oh, fine- Tristan, where are you going?!”
“Turns out labour lasts for hours! Who knew? There's still time for me to play in the treehouse yet. Let me know if you see the head.”
“Are you serious?!”
“I could really use some help right now!”
“Sorry mum, she's not coming!”
“Are you saying my only hope is two of my triplets and not a single person over the age of 10?!”
“Looks like it!”
Hours of agony later...
“My stepchildren and husband may have abandoned me in my time of need but everything is just fine, no problems whatsoever, I'm not crazy I swear-”
“Oh, it's a boy! Why didn't you have a girl?”
“Right now, darling, all I'm having is a stiff drink! Happy new bloody year!”
And so Julius Farrington came into the world, probably to spend much time in his lovely nursery. Or on the floor.